Friday, May 17, 2013

Why my imaginary boyfriend is better than yours

There is no theme here. Do not try to find a theme.
a. On the way home from yoga last night I rolled up on a stoplight and became distracted by an advertisement on the side of a bus turning left in front of me. This is what it looked like:

You would be distracted by this too, right, if it was five feet high and in your face? As I stared at it I continued to roll towards the crosswalk and started to turn right. As I did so I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized that there was a pedestrian in the crosswalk that I hadn't seen, because I had  been so distracted by the pedestrian safety sign on the side of the bus. This is a true story.

b. A few minutes later at a different intersection, another pedestrian walked right in front of my car against the light, so luckily I was on alert this time. He was completely out of it, barefoot, and his face was bleeding, not as if he had had an accident or been in a fight, but as if he had scratched it so much that it bled, and I thought, why does anyone still do meth anymore? Because they're addicted, right, but I mean, why did they do it the first time? Is there anyone left on earth who still thinks this might be a good idea? It is not a good idea.


2. Laying in bed last night not sleeping I let my mind wander until I invented an awesome dude who was super into me, complete with people I actually know in real life having introduced us, I guess so it would seem more realistic to the part of my brain that was not in on the fantasy. And guess what? That shit totally worked! I was as giddy as if it had actually happened. Even this morning as I was driving to work (I guess there is a theme?) I was still super cheerful and smiley, imagining new scenarios for us wherein he would come visit for the weekend, because of course it's a long-distance relationship, because apparently even in my wildest fantasies I can't just meet a nice dude who lives in the tri-state area. So I guess imaginary boyfriends is where I am right now.

Also, apparently I spend a lot of time in the car?


  1. In Australia there are heaps of signs on the side of the road about driving safely, taking a break and a snooze if you're tired etc etc and I always find them super distracting too!

  2. Yikes! I'm such a paranoid driver regarding pedestrians that I'm constantly on the lookout for them. I doubt I would have even noticed the sign on the bus...

    I'm married and I have an imaginary boyfriend. It's a thing. You're not alone.

  3. Imaginary boyfriends are an important part of life. So says the woman in a pretend relationship with George Clooney.

  4. Well, if you were "laying" in bed you would probably have a real boyfriend, not an imaginary one. Of course this also raises the questions of whether you would by "lying" to the real boyfriend about true love and eternal happiness together while lying in bed with the real (not pretend) boyfriend. So grammar, like love, can be confusing.


  5. Hello there! I am a looooong time reader. (I think I started looking at your blog because I also was an assistant in France...maybe even the same year as you...?)I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your writing and always look forward to new posts. Not sure why today is the day I say 'hi,' but, there it is. Keep up the good work!