Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Why if I wrote a song it would be called "String Me Along Maybe"

This one goes out to all the married folk and long-term couples out there, who may be curious about what dating is like these days. Maybe you've heard stories from your single friends, and maybe you think, Oh come on, how hard can it be for two people to get together? You meet, you go out, and you either like each other or you don't. What's so complicated about that? Well, the answer to your rhetorical question, my friends, can be found in the following text messages, which for the sake of obfuscation are presented in multiple choice format.

Here is your context: Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl for her phone number. Girl says meh, why not? Now, knowing me (girl) as you do, which of the following do you think was the actual text message he (boy) then sent?

a) Hey Rachel, it was nice to meet you the other night. Would you like to get a drink after work sometime this week? How's Thursday?
b) Hey, I hope your week is going well. I'm busy tomorrow and gone this weekend, but do you want to get together some night next week?
c) Do you have a good recipe for gazpacho?

And then, a full two weeks later, what was his next move?

a) I really enjoyed talking to you when we went out, and I'd love to see you again. Are you free for dinner on Friday?
b) Hey Rachel, I'm really sorry for flaking last week. I leave for Brazil on Thursday but I would love to get together when I'm back.
c) What do you think of labradoodles?  

Just guess. Just guess. Remember to base your answer not on someone who attracts stable, normally functioning males, but on someone who attracts, well, the kinds of guys that I attract. Relatedly, what is wrong with people? 

27 comments:

  1. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE MEN OUT THERE?! I have been lamenting this with another single girl friend of mine. It is not you. You are obviously cute and smart and put-together. It's like all the men have turned crazy.

    But HE is out there. And he'll be so easy to spot when you see him and it will be like none of the rest of this ever happened.

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    1. What is wrong with the men out there? In a word--ok, phrase--too many options. I mean, that's part of it, I think. There are a lot of cute, smart, put-together single ladies out there, so how can you ever pick just one? Probably best to just keep as many as possible on the line at all times. I mean, lord knows I am no expert on the male psyche, but I think this is a pretty common theme, particularly in urban areas with a large population of young singles. I guess what I'm saying is, maybe I shoulda moved to Alaska.

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  2. So, what do you think of Labradoodles?

    In all seriousness, it seems as though many males don't know how to transition from boys into men. Maybe there should be a finishing school for men so they can learn the art of talking to a woman. If I were the teacher, my first lesson would be to never call a woman "bro", "buddy", "dude," "guy," or anything else that you would call your younger brother or someone on a surfboard.

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    1. No offense to labradoodle people, but I'm pretty sure they're an abomination. Or maybe it's the ridiculous name that annoys me. Or oh my god, schnoodles. I just wish people would stop breeding things with poodles, I think. For some reason puggles don't bother me, though they are also ridiculously named. I'm so glad we talked about this.

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  3. Um, I would go for Gazpacho Labradoodle guy in a second.

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  4. Well, I know the right answer isn't A -- in either question -- because that guy doesn't exist. Well, he does, but he's gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

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  5. I'm a proud male, but I'm afraid to leave a comment.

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  6. I'd just like to thank you, Rachel, for giving me the necessary tools to understand the pop culture reference in the title to this post.

    Also, don't worry. You have so much going for you!

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  7. Now that damn song is stuck in my head and my husband is about to shoot me death looks when I sing it to him.

    I'm guessing the labradoodle loving, gazpacho idiot.

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  8. I was really hoping it was C, and then A. But sadly i don't think that's right :)

    Also - from your previous comment discussion puggles are just too cute, I think that's the only problem there.

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  9. Why give a guy your number if your response is "meh"? Seems like most of your romantic stories start out with you not being interested then somehow segue into you being disappointed when it doesn't work out when you felt all along that he wasn't right for you! You know where this is going, nip it in the bud before history repeats itself. It's not fair to either one of you.

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    1. Because I don't usually decide whether or not I want to get to know someone based on not knowing them at all. If I meet someone who, based on our brief encounter, seems marginally human and wants to go out with me, I will usually give it a shot.

      And I don't think disappointed is the right word either, there's hardly enough here to be disappointed by. 'Tis merely an anecdote.

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  10. I think you should reply in kind-ask him what juice best pairs with oatmeal and raisins or how he feels about scarves-fashion statement or necessary for warmth? If nothing else it should be amusing to come up random questions to ask.

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  11. People. People. The answer is B. You know, if that wasn't clear. I love a good non sequitur as much as the next girl. What I don't love is the guy who wants to keep you on the line as long as possible without ever actually going out with you. I don't know why guys do that.

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    1. I stand by my advice of asking about juice and scarves. :D

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    2. My husband says guys do that to avoid being embarassed. I don't think we ever went out on a "date" until we were a couple. He said he didn't want to ask me out until he was sure I would say "yes".

      Hence one of our first IMs was along the lines of, Him:"I'm cooking swordfish." Me:"I'm jealous you have are having real food, I just have frozen pizza. I'm sooo hungry." Him:"I'll bring some over."

      For the record I hate swordfish, but I waited four years (and many swordfish dinners) to tell him. Also for the record I don't know why I put up with that behavior beyond I was sick of dating.

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  12. Many questions, many answers.

    1. Yes, there are a lot of dating options for single men in D.C. A couple of years ago, a totally unscientific survey reported that single women between 25 and 44 far outnumber single men in most large cities on the East Coast. New York was best for single men worldwide, but D.C. did not make the top 29 worst cities in the world for women, oddly enough. Tel Aviv, Paris, Istanbul(!)and Beirut, among others, all topped D.C. in the male-female ratio department.

    2. Options in other areas are also a terrible burden, and it's not just a guy issue. I see many women born in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s who can barely pick a breakfast cereal without a two-hour monologue. Is this fresh? Organic? Maybe I should skip breakfast? I have nieces in their late 20s and early 30s who still "don't know what they want to be when they grow up." Lawyer? Journalist? School librarian? International diplomat? Wife to the boyfriend of six years? Dither, dither, dither trying to choose between more college, nowhere jobs, marriage, and graduate school. Oh, so many choices! "I'll think about that tomorrow."

    Men have always had choices, but most don't make up their minds until their late 20s. The women's movement has now given women many choices as well, but it's not politically correct to say that.

    So call me last week or maybe not and we'll talk or maybe not and eat dinner or maybe not. I'm flexible.

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    1. "I have nieces in their late 20s and early 30s who still 'don't know what they want to be when they grow up.'"

      Touché, Mike. Touché.

      Also, my dad is nearly to retirement age and he still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. So I don't think this is merely a gender thing. Maybe it's genetic.

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    2. No, you're right it's not gender or genetic. It's generational. I think baby boomers (myself included) made distorted life choices in the 1960s based on too much parental money (they wanted us to escape the Depression), too many drugs, and too much war (in Vietnam) who thought we could have whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it. Too often we did (if we whined enough). This just made us poor life models for our children. We really did screw it up because we were the first generation of the 20th century that really didn't have to grow up.

      Also, I wanna be a cowboy. Or a policeman. Something where you get to wear a real gun and shoot bad guys the way Joe Friday or the Lone Ranger do.

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    3. Unfortunately too much money has never been a problem in my family. No drugs nor war either. My dad is a great model for his family. He always worked really hard to support us. Unfortunately that doesn't provide much leeway for following your dreams. Also, it turns out following your dreams doesn't pay. So then sometimes you end up unemployed at near-retirement age and aren't really sure what to do. Let's not criticize, here.

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  13. I've been reading long enough that I knew the answer was "b". My daughter is a little younger than you, but can't tolerate the boy-men in her age range. She always looks at the ones that are 8-10 years older that know how to function in life.
    Hope a guy from the more functional gene pool comes along soon :-)

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  14. Asking about gazpacho and labradoodles would actually be preferable.

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  15. I've never understood the concept of cold soup? i mean what the fuck? soup should be warm or hot you know. As for why men like to keep women on the line? c'mon now we all know the answer is to hopefully get laid, maybe even more than once, i'd say that most men would stick their doodles into anything, labra or otherwise...

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  16. Hahaha of course it would depend on the guy. If his first text to me was if I have a good recipe gazpacho then I think that would be very strange or funny I think.

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