Saturday, April 7, 2012

Why am I, why are you, why are we?

I am Rachel.
I am tall. 
I am unique in all the usual ways.

I am hopelessly gawky and unattractive.
I am not so bad sometimes, in certain lights.

I am a perfectionist.
I am easily discouraged.

I am the product of a too-strict upbringing.
I am over-educated and under-employed.
I am the only member of my immediate family to have graduated from college with a degree (and then another, and again another).
I am a born again atheist, born of two born again Christians. 
I am a terrible daughter.
I am too independent for my own good.

I am a smiler and a goofy face maker in the presence of dogs and small children.
I am kind.

I am unlucky.

I am healthy.
I am insured.
I am employed.
I am gnashing my teeth, tearing my hair, beating at the bars of my prison.

I am luckier than some.

I am an optimistic pessimist.
I am a hoper for the best and a planner for the worst.
I am a glazed gazer, a thinker, a window dreamer.
I am jealous of other people's talents.

I am a reformed Republican, bleeding heart liberal.
I am an unapologetic television watcher.
I am a snob.

I am different.
I am just like everyone else.

I am an amateur professional.
I am bound by schedules and routine.
I am impatient.
I am sure the grass is greener on the other side.
I am looking for my path.
I am spinning in place.

I am not scared of the dark. Or of flying. Or of spiders (ok, maybe a little).
I am scared that this might be all there is.
I am scared that these might actually be the best years of my life.

I am a reluctant thirty-something.
I am an apartment dweller.
I am nobody's mother and nobody's wife.
I am not my mother.
I am at home on a Friday night.

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
I am not completely alone.
I am the walrus.

I am a drifter and a clothing store thrifter.
I am a shrinking violet.
I am a good listener.
I am painfully self-conscious.
I am quietly confident.
I am single.
I am selfish.
I am generous.
I am too easily hurt.
I am strong.
I am constantly evolving.
I am not my mother.

I am hopelessly flawed.
I am mostly good.
I am looking for my path.
I am like you.
I am different. 
I am just like everyone else.


  1. Replies
    1. ah, the eternal question, the eternal answer... i don't know.

  2. I am many of those things. I am married. I am a bonus-Dad but not a bio-Dad. I am underemployed and I am frustruated with my work. I am a hockey player and golfer. I am someone who enjoys your writing - you make me think and laugh.

    Great post Rachel.

  3. I really really like this.
    I like you knowing you better.

    I'm a writer.
    I'm a sometimes poet.
    I'm maybe a wannabe poet.

    I'm a young mother.
    I'm a young mother who's a bit shocked that she's already a mother.
    But I'm still a young mother who has fallen so deeply in love with her daughter.

    I am NOT my mother either.
    But I am my mom's best friend.

    I am completely politically apathetic.
    Formerly a Republican, convinced it was the only way.
    I now have no stars in my eyes for what government can do.

    I'm a "freelancer."
    That means I'm a stay-at-home mom who works when she gets it.
    I thought I would hate this. But I'm really fine with it.

    Those are some of my things anyway.

  4. I am the resurrection and i am the light...

  5. Well, I think you've covered everything. I'm reminded of the opening lines of A Tale of two Cities: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

  6. I am a pet mom who is trying, unsuccessfully, not to turn into my mother.

  7. Uh, no. "The walrus was Paul." :) Nice post, Rachel. What inspired you to write this?

  8. Love this. So much.

    Also, I've met you and you are gorgeous, so stop with the unattractive bullshit. :)

  9. You are PURPLE! Zoinks.

    I am very good at settling. I do no follow my own advice.

  10. I was listening to Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville and for some reason you came to mind, imagine that.

    1. I listened to that album almost every day in college.


    2. Liz Phair wrote a song about my cousin.

      True story.

      I really enjoyed this post Rachel!

    3. Ohmygod. Deidre! Which song?! Don't leave us hanging!

  11. You have amassed impressive wisdom for one so young. And reputedly gawky. Nicely done. I am so many of the things you are. And I am trying to get better every day.