I feel blog-blocked and all stopped up. My words are caught behind a bottleneck of emotions, and they have no outlet, no order, and no logical sequence. But here is the gist: everyone is happy and I am miserable. All around me people are getting together. Their happiness should have no bearing on mine, and yet it does. According to Facebook, the bearded Canadian scientist is moving to Vancouver with his girlfriend, and the man formerly known as my Not-So-Secret Admirer has changed his status from "single" to "in a relationship." My sister has a new boyfriend. Other people traverse the line separating singledom from couplehood with seemingly the greatest of ease. For other people it is a line in the sand, while for me it's an unbreachable wall, shiny-slick and higher than every man I have ever dated stacked end to end. There is no way over it.
Watching this video yesterday almost undid me.
I've long been a Mates of State fan, but knew nothing of their biography. Watching this video, though, I was suddenly struck by the fact that the two singers were absolutely, unequivocally, madly in love with each other. Possessed with a burning need to know if my instincts were, in fact, correct, with the aid of the Internet I found out that not only are they indeed a couple, but they have been married for ten years. They have two kids. Did you watch the video? Did you see the way he looks at her? Ten years. It was how he looked at her that almost undid me. No one has ever looked at me that way. And what I'm facing is the ever increasing possibility that maybe no one ever will.