I like to think that most of the time I have an above average sense of smell, but lately it's just been ridiculous. Suddenly from my desk at work I can smell my boss's cigarette butts in the trash can in the kitchen (I know). I can smell the guy's breath two rows away from me on the Metro. I can smell a distinct urine smell coming from...somewhere on the Metro. And why oh why must someone always bring french fries on the bus? Looking at it now, I can see that most of these are probably "public transit in a large city" issues more than "my nose" issues. But seriously, multiple times a day it's all I can do to stop myself from screaming out in frustration to no one in particular, "I CAN SMELL EVERYTHING!!!!" And before you ask, NO, I am definitely not pregnant. Yes, I am sure. I also kept waiting for this sudden olfactory sensitivity to be followed by a monster migraine, but so far nothing. I guess I am just gifted.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A LIFE UPDATE:
First, let me preface this by saying, NO ONE GET EXCITED. But my neighbor extended me a last-minute (like six hours before, and probably only because I ran into her on my way to the mailbox) invitation for New Year's Eve, as she was having a casual get-together at her apartment. I felt pretty lame admitting (six hours before the event) that actually, I didn't have plans, and yes, I would love to attend, but I did, and lo, an amusing time was had by all. I mean, it was not crazy by any means, the women outnumbered the men (both of whom were married) eight to two, but it was a low-key good time, probably aided by copious amounts of bubbly wine and the fact that I only had to travel twenty feet to get there. Also, I discovered that this girl has a collection of first-edition L.M. Montgomery novels, so as Anne Shirley would say, I'm pretty sure we're kindred spirits. Now, I initially met this neighbor after I left a particularly, shall we say, pointed note on her door at 2:30 a.m. after hours of non-stop dog barking through paper-thin walls. I regretted it in the morning, but forced sleep deprivation is a form of torture, in my book, and honestly, I can't be held responsible for my actions under those circumstances. I regretted it even more after my neighbor came over the next day and introduced herself and apologized profusely and was so embarrassingly nice about it. I found out that it wasn't even her dog, but our upstairs neighbors' dog, who she had been watching for the night. Normally she would have been home with him but she had gone out for her cousin's birthday, etc. As it turns out, these upstairs neighbors with the dog were also at the New Year's Eve shindig, and at one point in the evening offhandedly mentioned the note I had left all those months ago, which obviously they had heard about, not in an accusatory way, but in a "this is how loud and obnoxious our dog is" way. Nonetheless I was chagrined and turned red and apologized, but then I was like, well, if I hadn't left that note I probably would never have met my neighbor and thus wouldn't be here tonight, so actually, it kind of all worked out for the best.
Then yesterday the upstairs dog-having neighbors invited me to a dinner party tomorrow night, so like I said, NO ONE GET EXCITED, but slowly, surely, and with baby steps I am maybe sort of getting to know people here.
Relatedly, a full week after my Facebook message, my new best friend/girl crush wrote back to me! Apparently my message had gone to her "other mail" folder which she rarely checks. She thought my misunderstanding was hilarious, and mentioned how she had told her mother-in-law the next day (they both love Kristen Wiig) how she had met someone "as adorable and funny" as KW (!), but that I didn't seem to take it as a compliment and she couldn't understand why. Take that, commenter who used my own words to try to make me feel bad about myself, thus missing the point of self-deprecation completely. Anyway, she closed by telling me to let her know if I wanted to get together sometime, which, yes. No concrete plans yet, but like I said, all steps in the right direction.
Also, after hanging out several times with my not-so-secret admirer, I've confirmed my suspicion that he is good friend material, at most. I have also come to the conclusion that if that is the case, I should probably stop getting drunk and flirting with him. Like, I should probably not hand feed him popcorn in a bar, because that is only going to encourage him. But that was only because he said he hated it! I mean, how do you hate popcorn, guys?! So I forced him to eat it, because it was funny, and...ohhh, I maybe see what he did there. But he continues to be very sweet, and he brings me little things like cookies his mom sent him, and a pudding cup (long story). And even my boss has remarked upon his complete transformation whenever he stops by the office now. The first few times I met him he wore the same ratty, grungy hooded sweatshirt and jeans, but now it's suits or sweater-with-leather jacket every time. "I'm just saying, I never saw that boy not in a baseball cap before you started working here," she (my boss) said. She also says things like, "Hey, where are you going? Aren't you going to stay and flirt for a while?" to him as he's leaving, which is not at all embarrassing. And then he'll reply with something just as cute, like, "Well, you see, I've determined I'm only charming in small doses," as he waves and walks out the door, and honestly, it just makes work a little bit more fun. (Don't get your hopes up, other than that work is still terrible and not at all fun.) Now, is that so wrong?
You have been updated. Carry on.