Thursday, January 12, 2012

Why it's too late to apologize

So this text arrived about half an hour ago:
"Rachel, I owe you a sincere apology for the way I acted and treated you. I am truely sorry, you are a great person and a wonderful woman. I hope your doing great and enjoying your new adventure. Again I am truely sorry and I wish you the best."
And what does it say about my sad dating history that I had to Google the area code to figure out which bridge-burning loser from my past it was from? 

So now I put it to you. Who do you think sent it? And, more importantly, do I respond? Or ignore?

24 comments:

  1. You can either ignore it or send a response that says, "thanks. Hope all is well for you too." And then ignore any response you might get.

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  2. I agree with Jaclyn. Nothing here for you to hang you hat on.

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  3. I would reply "who is this?", that will send a harsh message letting them know you forgot about them after they treated you like shit.

    ~Just Saying

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  4. +I would reply "who is this?",

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  5. I think it's Tom, that guy from Mythaca that really messed you about.
    Indeed, I don't think he deserves anything more than a 'who is this'!!

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  6. I'm guessing it's from the Moroccan.

    I'm hoping that you just ignore it.

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  7. Luke, in my opinion. Based on my own unpleasant experience with a Middle Eastern guy (Tunisian) I don't think the Moroccan would see anything wrong with the way he treated you. Just my humble opinion.

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  8. I'm going with Jimmy!!! It's got to be that Jimmy or one of the Jimmy/James/Jimbo combo, one of those Jimmy's was such a fucking mess that i'm sure after enough wine coolers he'd get all melancholy and text something like that...

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  9. Whoever it is, he can't spell "truly." So think about all the men who are barely literate. One will come to you.

    M.

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  10. He misspelled 'truly' so I some brut you dated who wasn't good enough for you. What was the name of the guy from the apartment complex? I pick him.

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  11. Oh my god. don't respond. for realz.

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  12. I was going to say Luke (because I think he is the apartment complex guy), but then, you would know his area code, I think. Unless he moved... So then maybe the guy who was married-ish?? I think I'm back to Luke. I kind of like the "who's this?" response - but think maybe you should just not respond at all. I am no help - YOU'RE welcome.

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  13. see? I would want to respond. but the smart thing to do is to leave it alone. There wont be a good reason he disappeared.

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  14. "Who is this" makes it seem like so many guys have treated you like crap you can't keep them straight. And if that is the case the question is WHY (little joke) you tolerate such behavior. Definitely don't respond. He is banking on the fact that you are such a nice woman you will take the bait and respond signaling that you are ready for round two or three or ... He won't treat you any differently. Why should he when you've shown (in his mind) that you don't respect yourself enough by dealing with dicks like him? He might not have moved on, but you have. I hope.

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  15. Not to be overly formalistic, but this is not a "why" entry. Perhaps its a "whether" entry, as in whether or not you should reply. Its so short, its more like the cliff notes to that though.

    Obviously, its not Mr. Morocco, whose number hasn't left your phone, nor your memory. Unlikely that you'd forget the Ithaka area code, either.

    Regardless of who it is, its a fishing expedition. Guys (and gals) want to go back "to the well" and they send these types of messages to see if the door is still open for them to return to the scene of the crime (wow, thats a lot of euphemisms strung together). I'd take a pass - that type of behavior is passive, intended to trigger you to take the step of initiating direct contact and being the one to approach. It's weak, and really doesn't deserve being rewarded with a reply.

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  16. I wouldn't respond either. You've already moved on.

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  17. I have no idea who it might be, but I'm all for responding by saying that you appreciate that he's said it. I'm honestly surprised by all the people saying you shouldn't respond, or that you should be all "who is this" passive-aggressive. The latter, particularly, would give the guy way too much power, especially if it makes him think that he's just one in a line of guys who treated you like crap, and make him think that whatever it was he did to you maybe wasn't so bad after all.

    I'm definitely not saying that you should pursue any sort of ongoing conversation with him, and for the love of god, don't get involved with him again, especially long distance, but you're an adult, and there's no reason you shouldn't accept his apology, and let it restore a little bit of your faith in men. Yes, you may have moved on, as I certainly hope you have, but that's just another reason that you should be able to have a civil exchange with him. If you don't feel like you can have a simple conversation, then you haven't actually moved on or gotten past the hurt he caused.

    Besides, you shoot him down or totally ignore him, and maybe he'll just say to himself "Well, fuck it then. Women suck. I will never apologize to another woman again." And nobody wants that.

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  18. He can't spell truly and he can't use "you're" correctly and he needs a semi-colon instead of a comma. I know these are peeves of yours.
    I agree with Grumpy, euphemisms and all. Fishing.
    Don't take the bait.

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  19. Well that's pretty exciting... even if he is obviously a loser. It's exciting in that HAHA I'M BETTER THAN YOU way. But yeah, I'm with the crowd that says to text back "who is this?" because that goes along with the HAHA I'M BETTER THAN YOU.

    Of course, I've never been one for the high road. Either way, that is amazing.

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  20. i agree with Grumpy. Let it die :)

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  21. I'm thinking it's the chubby bearded guy that you briefly dated in Mythaca? Or the married/separated guy with issues?

    It's definitely up to you whether you respond or not. Since you really don't know who it is, I don't think asking who is this is inappropriate. You could say, "I don't have this number saved in my phone so I don't know who this is" if you want to make sure that the person doesn't suspect that you've had many guys be assholes. I personally don't think a guy with that many spelling/grammar errors is going to be very intuitive and read into the text message, but who knows.

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  22. I'd say just leave it. The dude is just clearing his conscious, but as you say too little too late.

    And I have no idea. I'd say one of the Jameses or Luke.

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  23. I think Grumpy is right. Whenever I've been contacted by someone from the past, it is because he wanted to return to the well. (In most of those cases, however, I was the one doing the dumping.)

    Also, there is a power issue. Not replying gives you more power. Replying puts you in a weaker position.

    --PT

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  24. Ignore it. Loser can't remember the difference between "you're" and "your"...

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