And then this happened: "You know who you remind me of?" she said. "Kristen Wiig."
"Um...oh..." I said, no doubt doing something really awful with my face, that caused her to say, "I mean, I hope you take that as a compliment. I really like her, I think she's awesome."
"Um...yeah...That's...cool," I murmured, my face still registering a mixture of shock and disappointment. Luckily we both let it drop at that point, but believe me, it was awkward.
Because, are you ready for this? I don't know if you were aware, but this is who Kristen Wiig actually is:
But this is who I thought she meant:
For the uninitated, that is actually Kristen Schaal, otherwise known as Mel from Flight of the Conchords. Honestly, I don't know why I just assumed that that's who she was talking about. I blame the Kristens-with-double-vowels-in-their-last-names thing. Also, I think I've been a bit edgy about this sort of thing ever since a guy I met at a party told me I looked like Kathy Griffin. You don't get over something like that.
But, to reiterate, this is Kristen Wiig:
And this is not Kristen Wiig:
Again, below is the hilarious, talented, and beautiful Kristen Wiig...ok, so this one is not the best example:
Here we go. Much better:
And again, this is who I thought I was being compared to:
I do need to interject here to say that I'm a huge Kristen Schaal fan. I think she's talented and funny and adorable, and I actually had a lot of trouble locating awkward enough pictures of her, since in the majority of the photos I found of her online she is looking pretty and polished. It's just that in that moment, my mind latched on to her Mel persona and couldn't let it go. So this girl basically called me out as the funny-looking funny girl, or so I thought. And right when we were getting along so well!
"Can you believe she said I look like Kristen Wiig?" I griped later to my not-so-secret admirer/new friend, who had been at my elbow all night.
"Who?" he replied, not so helpfully. I explained. "Um, yeah. So?" he replied.
"Argh!" I replied.
I texted something similar to my sister, who replied, "Nah, she's cute. I liked her in Bridesmaids."
Suddenly the heavens opened and a beam of light shone down on my forehead, which I promptly smacked. Kristen WIIG! Oh my god, of course, Kristen WIIG! Well I love Kristen WIIG! She's beautiful and funny and...oh my god, I must explain this hilarious misunderstanding to my new best friend right away! Except she wasn't there; she had already left. Of course she had, I remembered, which would explain why she had said goodbye and asked for my e-mail address (score!)
I explained my life-changing revelation to my not-so-secret admirer/new friend, still at my elbow, who replied, "Um, so?"
"No, you don't get it!" I exclaimed. "It's like someone telling you you look like Carrot Top, and then you find out that actually they meant Brad Pitt!"
"Why would that matter anyway?" he said. "I've been telling you you look great all night."
"Kristen WIIG!" I exclaimed.
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Dates gone on with not-so-secret admirer: one last night, and he has already asked me out again for Friday, and he invited me to a party at his house on Sunday/New Year's Day. (New Year's Eve still looking sad as all get-out, unfortunately. Sidebar--Ok, so I do have an invitation to hang out with a friend of a friend and his friends (got it?), but somehow a pity invite and hanging out with strangers on New Year's Eve just seems sadder than spending the night alone. End sidebar). Not-so-secret admirer is short, chubby, and blond. Also very sweet, and seems super into me. Still though, could I not once be pursued by tall, dark, and handsome? Although, I have already met his friends (date zero, and he already introduced me to his friends!), and we are already Facebook friends. Which, I have the vague feeling may be the two things I specifically mentioned recently as very much lacking in my last "relationship," and why do I have the feeling the universe is laughing at me?
I will give you everything you ever professed to want in a man except, haaa, yeah, you will never, ever in a million years be attracted to him! Mwahahaha...
The universe, she is a devious bitch.