Thursday, November 17, 2011

Why (hi ho, hi ho) it's off to hell I go

In case you were wondering how things with my new job are going two months in, I think it can best be described in list form.

Things that can be found on my desk at work:
  1. a paper calendar, the old-fashioned kind that doesn't sync with anything, for reasons that will soon become obvious;
  2. an adding machine. Who knew that when I was four years old, tappy tap tapping on my grandpa's old adding machine in the basement I was actually foreshadowing my own fut....*snore*.
  3. an actual, I shit you not, Rolodex.
Things that cannot be found on my desk at work:
  1. a keyboard;
  2. a mouse;
  3. and oh yeah, a motherflipping computer.
I mean, there is a computer in the office, of course. A mid-nineties model that we all share that runs our DOS-based accounting program. (DOS. DOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS.) 

There is also a brand-new computer with flat-screen monitor (conveniently in direct view of my boss's desk) that we only use to check our company e-mail account, the address of which ends in 

And before you go getting ideas about ends and means and bootstraps, this is a company with several hundred employees and millions of dollars in profits.

We don't even have voicemail. There's an answering machine in the corner that no one ever looks at and I have no idea how to use. The thing has flashing lights and about five different buttons and not one of them says "play." 

So I guess that's about how my job is going. Any questions?


  1. Does your boss read blogs? Let's hope not.

  2. That's just barbaric. And cruel.

    Do you feel like you're in a Victorian novel? Have you started wearing corsets and saying "thee" instead of "you"?

  3. How fascinating, it's like instead of commuting you have to take a time machine to your new job.

  4. Oh boy. my boss saw me on twitter last week and hit my shoulder and told me to get off (i'm the social media coordinator...)

    Anyway, my point being...i'm very sorry. have they considered upgrading?

  5. I, for one, think it's groovy as hell that you work at the edge of a rift in the space-time continuum.

  6. I also have a paper calender and a hard copy contacts list...but also a computer, and wifi..and a job I like. So sorry girlie.