Things that can be found on my desk at work:
- a paper calendar, the old-fashioned kind that doesn't sync with anything, for reasons that will soon become obvious;
- an adding machine. Who knew that when I was four years old, tappy tap tapping on my grandpa's old adding machine in the basement I was actually foreshadowing my own fut....*snore*.
- an actual, I shit you not, Rolodex.
Things that cannot be found on my desk at work:
- a keyboard;
- a mouse;
- and oh yeah, a motherflipping computer.
I mean, there is a computer in the office, of course. A mid-nineties model that we all share that runs our DOS-based accounting program. (DOS. DOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS.)
There is also a brand-new computer with flat-screen monitor (conveniently in direct view of my boss's desk) that we only use to check our company e-mail account, the address of which ends in hotmail.com.
And before you go getting ideas about ends and means and bootstraps, this is a company with several hundred employees and millions of dollars in profits.
We don't even have voicemail. There's an answering machine in the corner that no one ever looks at and I have no idea how to use. The thing has flashing lights and about five different buttons and not one of them says "play."
So I guess that's about how my job is going. Any questions?