While some people hoard their friends and acquaintances like so many dollars in Mark Zuckerberg's bank account, and keep years worth of penis pictures literally at their fingertips, I am very nearly the exact opposite. Namely, if I suspect I may never have cause to talk to a person again, I delete that person from my phone without a backwards glance. Zap, they're gone! (I like to keep things tidy.) Of course this, this can lead to awkward situations when you run into someone unexpectedly after not talking for a year or more, and they're like, "Call me!" and you're like, "No, call me!"
Or, like tonight, when I received a mystery text--"Hows dc?" (sic). The only clue was a Mythaca area code. Admittedly, I performed a pretty thorough contact list clean-up after my move, deleting anyone I suspected I would no longer talk to after I left Mythaca (which happened to be pretty much everyone I knew in Mythaca). I replied, "So far so good. How are you?" hoping the mystery texter's response would provide a clue. But no dice. "Im good im. glad your happu" Hmm. So, this person was either drunk or really bad at texting. Now I was curious. "Hey, don't hate me cuz I got a new phone," I texted (lies), "but who are you?"
"Hajaj iys james." Oh. Because that clears things up. Sheesh.
"Phlegm?" I asked. (Not his real last name, but close enough, anyway.)
"What?" he asked. Ok, so not that James, then. Definitely for the best.
"Flay?" I tried again.
"Ha yes." Jackpot. Good ole Jimmy James coming out of nowhere with the surprise text again.
"James Flay is my dentist," I responded (again, not his real last name, but true story. Not only am I destined to make the acquaintance of/spend multiple years of my life in a relationship with a more than coincidental number of James/Jims/Jimmys, but now apparently there aren't even enough last names to go around). "You're Jimmy," I kindly reminded him.
"Haha sorry jimmy," he responded.
No, I'm Rachel, I was tempted to respond, but didn't. (Punctuation is important, people!)
Apparently he had just texted to tell me he was glad I was happy, and to ask if I had met any tall, handsome men yet. ("All the time," I told him.) He joked about being "dust in the wind," (a relationship metaphor I am more than familiar with), I joked back about not snapping me up when he had the chance, and if there's a better way to put a quick stop to a casual text conversation, I don't know what it is. Try it sometime!
So, to delete or not to delete, that is the question. Are you a hoarder or a purger? And does anyone remember the days when you would actually call someone on the phone when you wanted to talk to them, like, using your voice? Oh, hey, you know what would be great? Voice activated text messages! You just speak your message into your phone, and it translates it into a text message for you, so you can have an entire text conversation with someone by using your voice, but without the hassle of actually having to talk to each other!
The future is weird.