Dear Manosphere Haters,
I really think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, here. So, hi. I'm Rachel. Nice to meet you. (Not really, but we may as well all be polite here, no? Which is more than I can say about you.)
Now, I know what you have been saying about me, and I have to say, a lot of it hasn't been very nice. But, no matter. Clearly, the Internet is not a forum for people to be nice to each other; it's for expressing your opinions! Of which you have so, so many. Or really, just one opinion, expressed over and over in a virtual shouting match, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. The thing is, you are making this into an Us vs. Them, when I really think we could all be on the same page, here. What I mean is, I am single and bitter, and clearly a majority of you are also single and just as bitter. Can't we all just be bitter together? Because, look, some of the things you are saying, I agree with. Like, for example, when you say that I am 29 and still single. Horrors! Ok, actually, I have to admit, I don't totally agree with that. I wish I did, but this is what happens when you show up two whole years late to the party. So. Hi. My name is Rachel. I'm 31, and I'm single. Can we all agree to that? Yes, I think we can. Look at us all, agreeing! Truly the Internet is a wonderful thing.
So, look, I realize the mere fact that I am 31 and single and a woman is personally offensive to many of you, for reasons I am only beginning to try to understand. But if I am going to try to understand you, I hope you will try to understand me, too. I know it's hard, because as a woman I am completely irrational. (Giggle giggle, eyelash flutter.) But let's still try to understand each other. Please know that me being single has nothing to do with you, either individually or as a sex. I don't hate you, and I don't hate men. (If I suspected that most men were as bitter and hate-filled as I've witnessed some of you be, I might have to reconsider my position, but as it is I still have a modicum of faith in the fundamental decency of malekind. Please don't prove me wrong.) Yes, I am still single at an age that apparently many people would be more comfortable with me being firmly settled down and breeding. But look, if I had kids I would just raise them liberal, and I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you would have just as big a problem with that, and so perhaps we can all once again agree that me not having children is actually for the best in that sense, no? So, yes, as I said, I am 31 and single (although you can all keep calling me 29 and single, if it floats your boat; I'm not going to stop you). But it's not because I "rode the c*ck carousel," and it's not because I "chased a career" (ha! And this is how I know none of you have ever read my blog before. Is there a support group for 31-year-old Professional Fuck-ups?), and it's not because I rejected the oh-so-many offers of marriage I received in my younger and "cuter" years (seriously, you guys kill me with your very generous assumptions). No, it's not any of that. Instead, the reason I am single is probably very similar to the reason a lot of you are (clearly) single--a combination of bad luck and worse timing. Sometimes things work out. Sometimes they don't, eh? Sometimes they work out sooner, and sometimes later. Maybe they don't ever work out, although we all hope that isn't the case. Does that really make me a "c*nt" and a "pretentious vain-glory harridan?" Really? (Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?)
You are clearly talking about someone in your hate-filled rants, but here's the thing: you're not actually talking about me. You can quote me out of context, and you can use the basic (and largely incorrect) biographical details of my life that I have willingly shared to burn me in effigy. Because you need a target for your anger, and I get that. (But from whence comes this anger? Can we discuss? Do you need a hug? A cookie?) But I cannot and do not represent all women, just as all of you (hopefully, please god) do not represent all men. I mean, I am sorry if some girl somewhere rejected you; I feel for you, I really do. I've been there! But you don't have to vilify every other woman in the world for it. Or maybe you do, what do I know about things like feelings and emotions? I am just a woman, after all.
I hope you find your peace, woman haters. At least have a cookie.