Friday, September 30, 2011

Why the grass is always greener on someone else's blog

If the rumors are to be believed, it seems that blogging can sometimes lead to good things happening for for some very lucky bloggers. Free trips to exotic locales, free products to review, paid writing gigs, and all because they started a blog. Without fail, these bloggers describe their windfalls this way: "When I first started this blog a year ago, I never would have imagined that [x, y, and z] would happen to me because of it!" And I'm like, one year? Jesus. But ok, I'm willing to accept that I'm a late bloomer. (Four and a half years later...) Whatever. (Only marginally related: does anyone actually make money off of those banner ads? I have to assume that somewhere, someone is making money off of those banner ads, and yet...) Still, whenever I read about someone landing a paid writing gig through their blog, I start asking myself mopey-dope questions, like, "Is she really that much better a writer than me? What does she have that I don't have?" And I've found that, more often than not, the answer to that last question can be summed up in one word--kids. And so, it is for this reason that I would like to announce to you that, Internet...I'm having a baby.

Well, not having, obviously, so much as getting. With all the lucrative mommy-blogging possibilities, I figure this kid will pay for itself in a year or two. Heck, maybe I'll pick myself up a couple. New or used, it doesn't matter to me.

So, if you know anyone who has a new or used kid they need taken off their hands, please shoot me an e-mail. Now that I'm thinking about it, I probably shouldn't have used "kid" and "shoot" in the same sentence, but believe me when I say that it will be very well taken care of. (Or its, if there's two.) I will promise to lovingly and artistically document its (its') childhood in blog form for all of you, my loyal readers, to marvel at in wonderment, but only on weekdays. (It(s) will have weekends off in accordance with child labor laws.)

If that doesn't work out, I would also accept a free trip to an exotic locale, if anyone reading happens to be handing those out. 

Your move, Universe. 

16 comments:

  1. I know we don't know each other, but if you find one, I'm open to a shared custody arrangement.

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  2. I'd be happy to share our son with you. He's thirty-one and lives upstairs in our spare bedroom. He eats a lot and doesn't clean up after himself, but your electronics will never run better.

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  3. Haha! This is too funny. Never fear, you're not alone- I've never received anything free trips or paid-writing gigs or anything (and I've been blogging for like 5 years). I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never living off my writing and am destined to teach French and English (mildly?)(disinterested) teenagers.

    I WOULD love to get a free trip or a hotel stay, though. Just sayin'

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  4. I could send you some free brownies, but you'd have to give your address to an internet stranger.

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  5. You can adopt our oldest for a bit...she's in university and costing us a ton of money! Or, you adopt our youngest...he's a bit of wandered and we don't see him on weekends, so it's a good deal for both of us. We'll keep the middle one...her band may make it big and she can support us.

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  6. I think you'll find that you have to be a mommy AND a Mormon... Only then will the money and writing gigs and free stuff come pouring in. Mormons are blessed like that.

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  7. I can help you in the kid department, with a new one of course, i'm old fashioned like that, i'll start checking Expedia for flights to DC... the lesson here: be careful what you wish for.

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  8. Oh MY you've read my mind!!! I often find myself thinking "I can't wait until we pop one out so I can become a 'mommy blogger'". The other thing that seems to make money? Cooking blogs. But there can only be so many of those. Stupid Julie whats-her-face.

    Anyway, by the time I get mine, the market for mommy bloggers will be saturated and we'll have moved onto something else I can't relate to.

    Hrmph.

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  9. But I'm thinking that if you had a kid and they offered you a free trip because of it, how would you be able to go?? Someone's gotta stay back to watch the baby. Catch 22, I'm tellin' ya.

    I find that the blogs which tend to get noticed focus on one of the following: children, fashion, food, or travel. If you can find a way to combine all of those into one power-packed blog (complete with your amazing writing skills), you'd be well on your way to blogging stardom :)

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  10. I've gotten discounts on hotels and stuff for travelling, and it was as easy as emailing/calling and asking for it.

    I think the way it is presented on blogs is that these things just happen but the truth is you have to ask.

    Or have a kid

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  11. Let's hope your mommy skills are better than your English grammar.

    One child is an "it." Two or more become "they," not "its," which is the possessive form of "it," not the plural.

    Love from an ex-copy editor,

    M.

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  12. I hear you can get some good ones on the black market.

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  13. I don't know what "the trick" is (maybe it IS babies), but it's clearly NOT about writing skills. Because you've got an abundance of THAT.

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  14. It is because they are constantly trying to sell us poor new parents stuff we don't need or our little bundle of joy will outgrow in 3 months. And they hope that we'll follow the mommy bloggers product suggestions because we are sleep deprived zombies with credit cards. Even without the fancy products I feel like I’ve gone down the financial rabbit hole.
    -Caroline

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  15. Good lord, I just read some of that thread that "anonymous" said this came from. Yikes - bitterness abounds! Good for you for rising above and writing a funny post in return.

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