Saturday, August 13, 2011

Why sext sells

Hanging out with local bloggers The Chaser and Date Me DC Friday night, I came face to face with the startling realization that women everywhere are walking around with pictures of penises saved in their phones. As both of them whipped them out, so to speak, (um, their phones) and scrolled past penises of all shapes and sizes, we burst into uncontrollable shrieks of laughter. There were big ones, small ones, and even one shockingly, unbelievably teeny tiny one. There were different angles, different props; some included the rather proud face of the owner, while others were disembodied and floating weirdly in space. A quick survey around the bar revealed the fact that I may be the only 31-year-old woman living in the digital age to have never received an unsolicited picture of a penis, let alone have a whole saved file of them at her fingertips. Though this was never an area in which I had felt lacking before, I was suddenly overcome by the need to join my fellow ladies in this heretofore overlooked aspect of the female human experience. So I sent out a quick text to my go to penis guy (who shall remain nameless for the purposes of this post): Quick, I need you to send me a pic of your penis. Please? Normally eager to show off his favorite body part, he became suddenly and uncharacteristically suspicious: Maybe...but why? 

My fellow bloggers caught the competitive spirit and sent out similar requests of their own. Date Me DC tweeted her request, and I knew it was all over for me. But it was actually The Chaser who had the first response, receiving pics from not one but two different guys, and then had to spend the rest of the night fending off promises/threats to come down there and "give it to her in person." Meanwhile all I received were three more "but why?" texts, and then radio silence. 

Through the fog of a particularly vile next-day hangover, I have decided that I am ok with missing out on this particular aspect of modern dating. I am ok with my phone being filled with pics of cute dogs that I happen across and the occasional baby deer. And if I should change my mind about this, I know exactly who to ask--if I ever need a penis pic, hopefully these fine ladies would be willing to share.       

11 comments:

  1. You need a better excuse. "Show me your pens now... I miss it!"

    Glad you're out and about anyway! :)

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  2. But what if he writes with pencils?

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  3. Ok - I have also never received a picture of a penis and I am so ok with that! looks like you had a blast with some fellow bloggers :)

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  4. Stay away from the pictures, unless you want to brag. What happened to not kissing and telling?

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  5. I had one before from a very well endowed young man who was incredibly easy on the eyes. If I remember right he even offered VIDEO. Needless to say, in the long run I would have preferred a pic of his hot bod (he was a fireman) then his big member!!

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  6. P.S. - this post was hilarious. Most fun I've read here in awhile! Looks like DC is treating you well...

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  7. Every modern man has dirty photos of himself, or at least his junk, saved somewhere for quick retrieval.* They were probably all excited for the opportunity to share.


    *Except me, of course. I'm a gentleman.

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  8. :-) So my claim to fame is my ability to get dudes to send me their penis in a pic. Ha! It really just shows you the quality of the dudes I know...and explains why I'm not married. Maybe I need to start keeping some deer photos on hand!

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  9. Yes, this was hilarious -- to experience AND to read about. Going to write my own post about it, too!

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  10. BUT I DON'T HAVE A CAMERA PHONE

    What if I've been receiving pictures of penises for years and never had any clue? You ruined my life.

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  11. The longer around D.C. the more pics you'll get. No worries! :)

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