Hanging out with local bloggers The Chaser and Date Me DC Friday night, I came face to face with the startling realization that women everywhere are walking around with pictures of penises saved in their phones. As both of them whipped them out, so to speak, (um, their phones) and scrolled past penises of all shapes and sizes, we burst into uncontrollable shrieks of laughter. There were big ones, small ones, and even one shockingly, unbelievably teeny tiny one. There were different angles, different props; some included the rather proud face of the owner, while others were disembodied and floating weirdly in space. A quick survey around the bar revealed the fact that I may be the only 31-year-old woman living in the digital age to have never received an unsolicited picture of a penis, let alone have a whole saved file of them at her fingertips. Though this was never an area in which I had felt lacking before, I was suddenly overcome by the need to join my fellow ladies in this heretofore overlooked aspect of the female human experience. So I sent out a quick text to my go to penis guy (who shall remain nameless for the purposes of this post): Quick, I need you to send me a pic of your penis. Please? Normally eager to show off his favorite body part, he became suddenly and uncharacteristically suspicious: Maybe...but why?
My fellow bloggers caught the competitive spirit and sent out similar requests of their own. Date Me DC tweeted her request, and I knew it was all over for me. But it was actually The Chaser who had the first response, receiving pics from not one but two different guys, and then had to spend the rest of the night fending off promises/threats to come down there and "give it to her in person." Meanwhile all I received were three more "but why?" texts, and then radio silence.
Through the fog of a particularly vile next-day hangover, I have decided that I am ok with missing out on this particular aspect of modern dating. I am ok with my phone being filled with pics of cute dogs that I happen across and the occasional baby deer. And if I should change my mind about this, I know exactly who to ask--if I ever need a penis pic, hopefully these fine ladies would be willing to share.