Sunday, March 6, 2011

Why you can't win if you don't play the game, but you can still lose either way

Hey, how was your weekend? I typed, in what I hoped was the perfect, casual, friendly-but-not-too-eager text message. After a flurry of back-and-forth text messages of the get-to-know-you variety four days earlier, I hadn't heard a word from Kevin since, and I was starting to get nervous.

("He's probably just waiting for the weekend to ask you out," my friend Pete had assured me. "Knows he has a better chance of getting laid.") 

It still couldn't hurt to at least touch base mid-week, I figured, and so I waited anxiously for a response, which came almost immediately. 

His weekend was good, he said, and mine? Also good, I said, and mentioned I had just returned from Philly. And how is your week looking? I said, inching closer to my real reason for texting. He was busy, he said, and felt buried under work at the moment. Sensing that this conversation was going nowhere fast, I decided to take the bull by the horns, and typed, Well if you ever have some free time, we should hang out.

I will definitely make time, he replied, and added a smiley face after. And that was it. 

My heart sank. I've been playing this game long enough to recognize rejection when I see it, even when it is cloaked in feigned enthusiasm. If he had actually planned on seeing me, he would have said something like, I will definitely make time. How about Saturday? Or, I was thinking Friday, but I'll have to let you know. Though to the untrained eye it might appear otherwise, I knew that by not including any kind of time frame in his response, what he actually meant was I will definitely never make time to see you, the smiley face alleviating any vestiges of guilt he might have momentarily felt. A peace offering made of a colon and a parenthesis and a non-rejection rejection, and then--a clean slate. Absolved. 

No, you say? But he said he was buried under work, you say? He said 'definitely;' surely he will call, just give it time, you say? And oh, my poor, dear, naive reader, I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but grab the bull by the horns enough times and you learn to spot some bull shit. Anyway, that conversation took place eleven days ago, now. With two weekends in between. 

And Luke? I haven't heard anything from him since his last message suggesting dinner or drinks "later this week," twelve days ago. 

Now, Internet, you know I have experienced some rejection, in my day. (Which is kind of like saying that Bill Gates has some money.) I am queen of the Charlie Brown-style flying leap, forever chasing that football, and like Charlie, always landing flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me. But it used to be that a girl had to actually put herself out there before she got rejected. Used to be she had to actually date a guy before she could be dumped, but no more. Now they can reject you before they even go out with you

I took myself out of the game months ago because I just couldn't take it anymore. Took myself offline, laid low, told myself I would finish up the semester and get out of this town. Done. I go to school, I go to work, and I go home and curl up in a boring, comfortable little ball. You can't hurt what you can't see, after all. But the universe, with its twisted sense of humor, said ha, we'll see about that, and now guys are coming into my place of business, just to reject me. 

Next guy who so much as smiles at me is getting his head ripped off.

I'm done. You hear me, Universe? Done.  


  1. Noooooooooooooo!

    Y'know what I think happened? They both met you, they both texted you, they both got caught up in the fray and fun, and just like you had the thought, "Ummm, which one?," they had the same thought. And neither wants to hurt their friend or go behind his back to make the next move. So they just stay stuck... and then fade away.

    But that's just two (more) in the universe. There are gazillions of others. And some of them, even, do NOT play the game. They just want what you want. You'll meet one of those and it'll be an easy-peasy breezy relationship. You just haven't met him yet is all.

    So please keep your wits (and wit) about you until you do, because you'll want your hair to look nice that day.


  2. I agree with Dawn.
    It was a delicate situation from the start. They both liked you, but they decided that their friendship was more important.
    Hopefully next time you get guys one at a time! :)

  3. Yep, agree w/Dawn and Mu. If they thought before they acted they wouldn't be men, now would they?

  4. I'm hungover and lucid and i couldn't disagree more with the above comments, men are pigs, they are evil and devious creatures and history proves me right on that account, they wouldn't care if the other was "hurt", they're supposed to be men, we don't get "hurt" by a girl we've never dated or by the fact we lost out cuz our "bro" asked first, my response to a guy who was upset i asked someone out first would be tough shit dude you shoulda had some balls, you know the old shit or get off the pot, so yes my dear Charlie, you are right, don't believe all the bullshit sympathy that will be espoused here in the future, it was a game from the start for those two tools and should they show up at your door or place of business i advise a David Beckham like free kick to the nuts.

  5. 11 & 12 days you haven't heard from either of them??? I'd say they've been talking to each other comparing notes.. and so what. They made a game of it and didn't like the outcome that you are woman enough to decide for yourself and not get sucked into the game bro's play to get a girl out at the same time to eventually have a threesome "just happen"...

    You win this one I say. They lose and are probably going over their notes and deciding to play games with a much less intelligent women who will fall for the dual in sync texting.

    I was rooting for you to pick one, but now that I've read this posting.. I'm glad you did not get that far.

    I do, have had my share of rejection and games enough to recognize who is just looking to get laid, and play games, nad only looking for the chase to boost their own ego's etc.. they've had time to prefect their game.


  6. You do know that now that you've posted this that both are suddenly going to think about you and call, right? Because crap like that used to happen to me all the time. Just about when I had given up and forgotten about a guy, he'd call. Men are dumb like that.

    And if not, then it is definitely their damn loss. And I don't usually say that because it's so cliche and generally untrue, but I mean it.

  7. Kalee--Nailed it. I just got back from dinner with Luke. Timing is everything, huh?

  8. Whaaat? So tell us more please!

  9. YES!!! Ha!

    Now, did it go well or not?

  10. Dinner with Luke? Say whaaaat?

    You better be writing a new blog post right now. Like RIGHT NOW.

  11. Nah, it wasn't that exciting. Didn't really feel a connection. Nothing to blog home about.

  12. You know, I'm just blown away when people just get asked out and then they like, go somewhere. LOOK AT YOU. DOING IT.

    I've never been on a date in my life. Ever. And I get asked out maybe once a year. Maybe. I get stocked into friendspace pretty quickly, and then he's all, "hey, come over for another drink. Let's get shitfaced and watch Predator" and then I'm giving him love advice while he tells me how awesome I am and how I don't seem like a real person. Stupid.

    So first of all, remember that: boys are paying romantic attention to you. Yes, they're fuckheads, and they're probably stupid (perhaps this is my problem: I assume they're all stupid fuckheads), but they dig you enough to pick you to play in the first place. You are in the running for romance: WIN. You're a real girl with sex appeal. That's a great deal better than some poor girls.

  13. ^^ Wow. Rassles sounds really bitter o.0

  14. Guys are selfish and don't know how to treat a woman right anymore. Fact of life.

  15. ^^^Ashley, you cannot even begin to comprehend how incredibly selfish women can be. In dating, it seems like people tend to be selfish when they aren't that into the person they are dating.