Saturday, March 26, 2011

Why "share and share alike" takes on a whole new meaning

Luke made dinner again the other night. A simple meal of spaghetti with peppers and Italian sausage. I was in charge of salad, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you I way over-thought it. It must be the perfect salad! I thought to myself. It would be Luke's first taste of my culinary abilities (or lack thereof), and I wanted to make a good impression. This was complicated by the fact that personally, I prefer my salad the French way; just greens with a basic vinaigrette, and maybe some grape tomatoes if I'm really feeling crazy. In the end I decided to go with what I know, serving field greens with grape tomatoes, toasted walnuts, and a quickly mixed-together batch of balsamic vinaigrette. So yes, it was a cozy, romantic evening in; dinner and a movie on the couch, just him and me...oh, and Kevin. ("What are these yellow things?" Kevin asked, poking suspiciously at the salad. "Tomatoes? Are you sure they're ripe?")

As they are roommates, it was inevitable that I would see him sooner or later, and it actually wasn't awkward at all. You see, the scoop, according to Luke, is this: At the same time that I was debating whether Kevin was too short for me (he is), he was also coming to the conclusion that perhaps I was too tall for him (I am). At this very same time, he was also in the beginning stages of communication with a girl from back home, who he is now, in fact, dating. This explains his radio silence and his non-rejection rejection, and also explains why Luke took so long to finally ask me out. Luke was hanging back, thinking that Kevin was going to ask me out, and only when the coast was clear did he finally contact me again. ("Well you almost missed your chance," I told him. "Because I was this close to telling you where you could stick it.") But the kicker is this (because there's always a kicker, right?): the girl Kevin is now dating? Is Luke's ex-girlfriend. Are you laughing and shaking your head yet? I am.

They dated, according to Luke, for six months three years ago, and again last summer, an experience he then qualified as "a disaster." He provided no further details and I did not ask, because la la la, fingers in my ears, I can't hear you. Kevin, by all accounts, feels incredibly weird about it (as he probably should), and asked Luke about a thousand times if he was sure he was ok with it (he was). Luke's brother and all their mutual friends have also apparently been giving Kevin a hard time about it (as they probably should), because yeah, it's weird. In fact, the only person who doesn't feel weird about it, apparently, is Luke. "As long as they're both happy..." he says. And if Luke is happy, and Kevin is happy, and I am happy, and this girl is happy, then who's to say what's wrong or what's right? As long as I don't have to see this girl, which I don't (because Kevin drives back to Smalltown, USA every weekend to see her, and not the other way around), then I really have no opinion about it one way or the other. Though who would have figured that two such different guys--the odd couple, really--would have such similar taste in women?

Rummaging around in their mostly bare fridge last night, I noticed that someone had taken the time to start a shopping list and affix it to the refrigerator door. Shopping list, it was carefully titled, lest there be any confusion. Underneath, there was only one, hastily scrawled item: gum. I read it again, looking around at the bare fridge and mostly empty cabinets. Shopping List: gum. And then I laughed, and laughed.


  1. Whoa!! That is some Melrose Place shizzle right there! lol. My very first boyfriend was actually my best friend at the time's ex. As you can imagine, she soon became my ex-best friend. Oops!

  2. Well that explains things alright. I was thinking that Kevin was the reconnaissance guy who found out all the info for Luke, but the real story makes more sense.

  3. Ha! I guess the gum would come in handy to try & ward off hunger pangs caused by the fact there is zero food in the house... Oh, boys.

  4. Gum...interesting choice. did he specify type of gum. or just gum.

    Well, the story does explain a lot doesn't it.

  5. Comment on this? well i have none other than the obvious fact about the whole Kevin dating the ex-girl thing, Luke doesn't care cuz he got in first, Kevin takes shit from friends cuz he's second and i could list all the things guys would say but i'll leave it to your imagination.

  6. I loved hearing the story behind the weirdness with those two. And hey, the relationship pretzel is a bit funny.

    That list? Classic.