Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Why one plus one equals too (many)

I stared at my phone in disbelief. Two days following our text message marathon and still no word from Kevin, and now Luke pops up at 9:30 on a Tuesday morning just to say hi? 

Hi Luke, I tapped out in response.

How are you? he replied.

I sighed, not particularly in the mood for chit-chat this early in the morning. Fine, I replied. In Philly for a few days.

Oh, that's a great town! he wrote back. Whatcha doing there? 

I sighed again and tried to cut the conversation short. Visiting friends. About to go to a museum now...

Well I won't keep bothering you, then, he said. But we should get together for dinner or drinks later this week.

 Cool, talk to you later, I replied, hoping my reply conveyed a breezy friendliness and an openness to the possibility, rather than the hurried brush-off that I was afraid actually came across.

Later that day, I talked things over with my friend Pete, hoping to gain a male perspective on the situation. "Well, you know what you can't do," he said, "is hook up with the one, and if that doesn't work out, go for the other."

"Well no," I said. "Clearly."

"'Cause no one wants to be your second choice."


"So you have to choose carefully. You have to choose the one you think is most attainable."

"Well, they did both give me their phone number," I said. "I mean, aside from any wingman-type scenario, I think it's fair to assume they're both at least somewhat interested."

"No, I don't mean attainable just right now, I mean long-term."

"Are you saying you don't think I can get the cute guy?"

"No, it's not necessarily about looks. I'm just saying. Choose carefully."

"Well the cute guy and I did have that whole text message conversation. Although, he is pretty short..."

"How short?"

"I don't know, exactly. As soon as I get back to the office I'll have to pull his file and see if I can find a copy of his driver's license."

"Psshh, that means nothing. That's all self-reported, anyway."

"Yes, would still be good to know. I mean, I've dated down to 5'10" before, but I don't think I could do anything less than that."

"Yeah, that could be weird."

"So, wait. What if Luke asks me out first? If I go out to dinner or whatever with him, I can still go out with Kevin after, right?"

"No, I already told you, you can't do that."

"Wait, even if we don't do anything?"

"Absolutely not."

"So what do I do? I mean, what if Kevin doesn't ask me out first?"

"You could ask him out."


"Why not?"

"Because he should ask me out. He's the one who started this. It's the whole hunter and prey thing. The deer doesn't just turn around and start chasing the hunter. That wouldn't make any sense."

"Well, send him a text or something. Say hi."

"I don't know..."

"Look," Pete sighed heavily, as if divulging a long-guarded secret. "This is what girls just don't understand. If a guy likes you, calling him, or sending him a text, or whatever, isn't going to make him like you any less. I promise."

"Hmm," I said.

"Just do it. First thing tomorrow morning."

"No! I hate the morning text. No one needs to be texting first thing in the morning."

"Ok, first thing tomorrow evening, then."

"Ok then," I said. "Maybe I will. Ok."

Later the next day, back from Philly and in my own home once again, I took out my phone. Pete's words echoed in my head. I hoped he was right.

I had spent the four hour drive back to Mythaca racking my brain, mentally composing the perfectly casual yet friendly and encouraging text message. And finally, I had it, the perfect text message, and it was almost brilliant in its simplicity. Hey, how was your weekend? I typed.

I hit send, and then, I waited.

To be (sorry, but you had to know this was coming) continued...


  1. I did NOT know it was coming but you DID know it would kill me. (And it killed me to read the comments to the previous post and know that it doesn't end well.)

  2. No, not again. This is wholly unacceptable.

  3. So all this is happening in the past?

    I personnaly would have simply found a way to meet the two together to really find out which one I like.
    Texts are just not showing people how they are.
    Is it too late to do it?

  4. I'm with Mu, all these rules -- created, it seems, by Pete and you -- are making my head hurt. Is it really that complicated? Do you really want to compare yourself to prey?

    I hope there's a happy ending to this serial! And yes, I'm hooked despite my head-shaking.

  5. I do not understand why you can not date them both of them casually until you have a confirmed connection and want to persue one further.

    They both know they are after you, it's not a secret. Any issues that arise are their problem, not yours.

    I say date them both (very casually) then you'll have to make a decision or drop them both into the friend catagory.

    Be honest with both of them. That you're dating both of them and should the time come to chose one over the other, that they both need to be okay with your decision and not make it weird for you and whomever you chose. Otherwise all this stops now and you're all just friends, no dating.

    Good luck!!!

  6. Oh Phil, Phil, Phil.

    Is there a ring on Rachel's finger? I didn't think so.

    You know what most guys hate? When they do something simple like send some texts and the girl is already thinking they are In A Relationship.

    R, you are not In A Relationship with either one of them. You are a free agent. You get to do whatever you want with whomever you want until you and whomever agree mutually that you are exclusive.



  7. Dawn and Kalee--Um, sorry. :P

    Mu--Not that far in the past. I've just been behind on my blogging lately, so there's about a week lag-time.

    P--You have to have rules! Without rules, all is anarchy!

    M--Who's Phil? And yes, while Pete did agree that normally it is the case that you date whomever you wish until things are exclusive with one person, this usually assumes a healthy buffer zone. His point is, it doesn't work that way when the guys in question are roommates.

  8. I'm not saying shite Charlie Brown, except one day i hope this works out for you but then what would you write about? my question is, you've dated down to 5'10? how tall are you?

  9. I'm impressed that you have the patience for all this. I also, come to think of it, would have wanted to hang out with their friends that were a little "rough" because chances are that's where I'd fit in. And then Luke and Kevin would see that I'm a bit ballsier than either of them, and cruder as well, and run home scared with their dicks tucked away.

    I hate being so awesome.

  10. Kono--I'm 5'10", but I have (or used to have, anyway, back when I actually had choices) a 6'0" minimum dating height requirement. You know, 'cause I'm a shallow douchebag like that.

  11. Nice, that means at damn near 6'5 i'm in, though if i'm ever single again i'm swearing of women... or at least all those that don't charge by the hour, but i'm a special case....

    and i would advise you to take Rassles on as a personal advisor, she knows what she's talking about.

  12. Personal advisor to me would be a pretty thankless job, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

  13. You can't date them both (even casually) they live together.
    end of story.
    Now, if they lived in separate apartments- go for it.
    I want to know what happened!

  14. I think two (or three) can play that game. Why don't you take the two-headed bull by its/their horns and send them both texts asking if they want to get a sandwich (casual date thing). See who replies and then you'll know more where you stand. But you're not breaking your "rules."