Monday, November 8, 2010

Why you can call me Delilah

In the battle of deep versus shallow, I do believe we have a winner, folks. This may come as a surprise given the tone of my last post, but at some point over the last week or so he managed to win me over. Internet, he totally won. Which kind of makes us both winners, I think. But let me back up a little.

After my first meeting with him when I realized that the physical reality didn't match up with my mile-high expectations, I told him that if he wanted to see me again, I thought it would be best if we kept it on a friends-only basis. And actually, even that was sort of a throwaway line. I didn't necessarily want or expect to see him again. He was surprised. No, don't be surprised! I thought, cringing. I hated being thrust into the bad guy role. Why couldn't he just be cool? Hazard of the game, I told him through e-mail, the shrug almost audible. C'est la vie. But then I started second-guessing myself. Remembering how much we had in common, how much he made me laugh. Looking at his (admittedly non-representative) pictures. That smile. Those eyes. Were they still there, somewhere? What if I could find them? All it would take was a glimpse, I knew, and I would be done for. I e-mailed him again, told him that I didn't necessarily feel a physical connection with him when we met, but that I couldn't really see him under the glasses, behind the beard. I took a leap, knowing it was a total bitch move to ask someone I had met once to change himself for me, but I told him if he ever felt like ditching the glasses and the beard for a night, I'd really like to see that. It went over like a lead balloon. He pretty much told me to go fuck myself. No, actually, that's exactly what he told me.

"I think I like this guy," my sister said on the phone.

"What? You just finished saying you didn't like him, then I tell you he told me to go fuck myself and suddenly you like him?"

"I think he's growing on me," she mused. 

Longer and longer e-mails ensued, full of explanations, frustrations, and accusations of shallow douche baggery, and counter accusations of false pretenses and circular logic. I'll tell you this--the boy is lucky that he writes pretty. We decided to meet again, one more time, to see. "But I'm not going to fucking do a damn thing to my face," he warned me. For a girl he met once? So that she could re-inspect him and probably reject him all over again? I couldn't say I wasn't sympathetic to his reasoning. We met again last night, outside a coffee shop. And there he was, still only 5'10", with the same beard, same baseball cap, too-long hair, and baggy clothes. But he wasn't wearing his glasses. And suddenly, everything changed. I saw his eyes, those twinkling, mischievous eyes from the pictures, I saw him. And what was that, lurking behind the corners of his shaggy mustache? That slow, secret half-smile. I saw it, I saw it all. 

Within half an hour, I had somehow convinced him that he should adopt kittens. It made sense, after all; he's home all day, and he needs a pet. Plus, it would probably be a lot easier to convince me to come over to his house if there were kittens there, I told him. Ok, he said. But why two? Well, sometimes they're two for one, I said. And two kittens is twice the fun. Ok, he said. Done. And who knew it would be easier to convince the guy to adopt kittens than to shave off his beard? Although that didn't prove to be much more difficult. Apparently, all I had to do was kiss him. That and a brief mention of too much mustache getting in the way was all it took. He sent a picture to my phone today. At first I thought it was a kitten, but upon closer inspection it turned out to be a large, fluffy pile of disembodied beard. The subject read, Hey there, Delilah

"I think he likes me," I texted my sister.

"Well, who wouldn't?" she replied. Hmmm...

"Sometimes I can't tell if you're making fun of me," I told her.

"Am not. Am happy. Hopeful."

Yeah. Me too.          

23 comments:

  1. Yay! I didn't want to say anything before but I thought you were sort of being a jerk. Although the drug dealer thing did score you some points...If he's not into being a drug dealer anymore, I say it's all good!!

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  2. Kristen--Yeah, I sort of knew I was being a jerk. And no, he's not "into" being a drug dealer anymore, so it's all good. :)

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  3. I have one word for you: EEEEEEE!
    Love it.

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  4. hmmm...personally, even though he might not be "into the whole drug dealer thing" anymore, it would still be a huge deal breaker for me. People deserve second chances I suppose, but there are just some things that I wouldn't be able to accept because I believe there are always other ways to make money than deal illegal substances (I am also married to a cop, so forgive me for my biases).


    Ask yourself this: if he didn't write so "pretty", would you still be into him after having met him in person a couple of times?

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  5. I was secretly hoping it would work out like this! Being able to connect on the humor/writing/take on life thing is really important and can make someone more attractive to you. Can't wait to hear the next installment!

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  6. I'm about 4 days old to your site, which I found by way of Dooce, and I am not at all caught up, but the post previous to this was the first of which I had read and I am so excited for you that you decided to take another look.

    I really enjoy your writing style and can empathize with the crummy boyfriend stories. (Can't we all)

    I hope to hear more of this fellow, and with some luck perhaps it will be good stuff eh? :)

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  7. Yes, she might not have been so into him if he didn't write so well, but that doesn't mean that it's not a good reason to be into him. I've dated guys that before that while not physically attractive to me made me think and challenged my mind. This is as necessary for me as the physical side of things. It's a big plus when you find the person who can give you both, but until you do it's a good way to enjoy yourself just being with someone who can do one or the other. Besides, who's to say that you won't find that the physical is just that and something that isn't that important?

    I've been reading your blog for a long time and haven't commented yet, but felt like this was the perfect time to. I'm so glad you've found someone who can make you happy! :D

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  8. It's worth a chance. Hopeful for you!

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  9. I liked that guy too, but I am so angry at him for caving. Sucker.

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  10. See, now I don't think you were being a jerk at all! He totally misrepresented himself with pictures that he absolutely knew didn't look like his current self. I have no patience for that kind of thing in online dating. I can see fudging a couple of small things about yourself, but nothing of consequence. And how you look, frankly, is of consequence. The physical attraction is important, and anyone who says it isn't might as well just set up twin beds now. Sure, post a picture that's really flattering, but it really needs to be a shot taken in the last year, at least.

    I hope that around the time he told you to fuck off, he also admitted that he misled you about his looks. Now I'm sounding like the jerk. But I'm glad it worked out anyway. I'm not sure I would have given it a second chance, but that's because I'm kind of a pain in the ass.

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  11. Quite glad this story isn't over.

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  12. I think i'm partly with Rassles on this, dude caved in after two dates/non-dates and shaved? in the art of war you've already won, he's changing for you, trying to be more appealing, thus he's already started to lose himself, hmmm, and since i'm like the only dude on here i don't think that is good from the "dude" perspective, but hell why do i gotta be such a downer when young love may be blooming you know, though isn't this Robert Newman based on one Victor Newman, who recently married some harlot in some shady arrangement to the displeasure of his real fiance?

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  13. Well Rassles and Kono, you know I'm going to have to disagree with you. I hardly think shaving constitutes "losing himself," I mean he shaved once and now he's already starting to grow it back, you know? It's not like I insisted he get a tattoo, or remove a tattoo, or learn French, or start watching General Hospital with me. Geezes, guys. Give the guy a chance.

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  14. "Longer and longer e-mails ensued, full of explanations, frustrations, and accusations of shallow douche baggery, and counter accusations of false pretenses and circular logic."

    ...if that's what you're into. Sounds like too much time and effort, on both parts. Good luck!

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  15. OMG! I can't believe it is going this way after your last post! That is so exciting. You will be receiving a phone call very soon, ma chere...

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  16. Ha! -P, yes, actually that is exactly what I'm into. Thanks!

    And C, chérie, we will talk soon. :)

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  17. yay! i'm catching up on posts and reading them in order...how exciting!

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  18. what does the commenter mean she came by way of dooce? did dooce link you? if so, OMG!

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  19. I hope the lack of posting is due to dates.

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  20. WOW!!! It literally felt like I was reading my last relationship (condom and all). It's a relief isn't it?

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