How to guarantee that an entire room full of people will want to kill you in 60 minutes or less:
Create an hour-long PowerPoint presentation where every single blessed action is punctuated by a sound effect. Heading? Ding. Bullet point? Ding. New slide? Shutter click. So that your soporific voice is accompanied by the sounds of click, ding. Ding, ding, ding. Ding. Ding! DING!!! For sixty goddamn minutes.
Look, screw you, man. How do you not understand that this is not ok? How is this not annoying the living hell out of you? After all, you are also in this room. You are also, as far as I can tell, not deaf. Although you are, apparently, blind to cringing, eye rolling, and all manner of dramatic displays of frustration.
Oh, and also? When you use the video projector, move your goddamn hand out of the way. Do not point, do not tap, and do not gesture near the camera so that a three-foot high, bloated, disembodied hand flits insistently and seizure-inducingly across the projection screen.
And you are a teacher? With twenty years of experience, really? For shame, sir, for shame. Because when you are speaking at a five-hour conference, on a Saturday--a conference that many attendees were forced to attend against their will, I should add, and which required them to get out of bed at 6:30 a.m., on a Saturday--and for which the only refreshment offered was a measly piece of too-sweet coffee cake, and you are the last session of the day and thus the only thing standing between me and my lunch (not provided)--well sir, you are lucky you got out of there with your life.
What was the session about, you may ask? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
So that was my Saturday. How was yours?