Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Why I'm comfortably numb

Since I arrived in Mythaca a year ago, I've been back and forth on this whole online dating thing. It's not like in Boston where I could just go on thirty first dates in the span of a few months. When you go from a city with a population of 4 million to a town of 30,000, let's just say the pickings get a bit slim. But, since everyone knows that you can't win if you don't play the game, I re-activated my dormant OkCupid account back in November, went on two dates (and we all know how that turned out), and promptly took myself back offline. By May, I was feeling that itch again, and so I dipped my toe back into the great online dating puddle, went on zero dates, got fed up, and pulled the plug. Again. Most recently, a few weeks ago I was sitting in my room at my parents' house (the fact that I was most likely bored out of my mind goes without saying), and figured, Well, I can at least see who's out there... and before I knew it, bam, I was back in the game. But, you know they don't call me the Charlie Brown of dating for nothin' (lest you think this is all a sneaky backdoor intro to some kind of "Holy crap guys, I'm in love!!!1!" -type announcement), ((spoiler alert--it's not)), but one thing I have noticed is that this time around, at least, the rejections have gotten a lot easier to take. Case in point, this e-mail I recently received from a guy I had e-mailed back and forth with a few times back in May without ever meeting, and promptly forgotten about:


For what it's worth, I wanted to say sorry for cutting off talking with you. It was soon after a break up, I thought I was ready to get back to it, and I was wrong. I know that's not much of an excuse, but it's a reason, a selfish, immature reason. So again, I am sorry.

Take care,

My initial response: Wait, who are you, again? Then, after some brain-racking and archive-searching, this was my actual response:

Hey Josh,

Actually, I took my profile down pretty shortly after we started talking and just put it up again about a week ago. So... I guess I didn't really notice. But thanks for letting me know. Best of luck!


Then we have this e-mail I just received today from a guy I met for a drink last weekend. It reads:

Hi Rachel,
It was nice to meet you the other day. This whole dating thing will always be strange to me, so exploratory and ever-changing. Anyway, I've met someone else and we are loosely seeing one another. I'm not really sure where it's going, but I wanted to let you know. 

Pretentious Grad Student Guy

My response:


Thanks for the update! Best of luck to you.


Even Pete has gotten in on the action, sending me a text message a couple weeks ago that read, Even though you'll be passing through the town where I live, and even though I already told you a week ago that we should totally hang out, actually, since then I've sort of started seeing someone, and even though it's definitely not going to last for more than another week or two, tops, I really don't want to do anything to mess that up right now, so in conclusion, I actually can't see you this weekend. Don't hate the player! (Ok, so I may have loosely paraphrased, here. Except for the last line. He totally said that. And used a smiley face emoticon.) My response? Hey, congrats, and good luck with that! And I meant it, too. 

What is happening to me? Have I finally become immune to rejection? You know what they say about falling off a horse; you have to get right back on it. But what they don't tell you is that if you fall off the horse enough times, eventually you'll suffer nerve damage and not be able to feel anything at all. It's like... it's like... when I was a child, I had a fever, right? And my hands, they felt like... two balloons? And now I have that feeling once again, oh... I can't explain it, you wouldn't understand. 

But you know what I mean? It's like... numb, but... not in a bad way? Like, comfortably numb?

Ach, forget it, I don't know what I'm trying to say. 

All I know is this can't bode well for the blog. What will I write about if I can't get all worked up and angsty and offended over all of life's great injustices? The next thing you know I'll be one of those blogs writing about home decor, or something. I may even write a life list! And check things off one by one as I accomplish them! I know! 

Aging: it's like a sedative for your soul! But don't worry, I will not go gently into that good night. I'll get back the angst of my twenties, Internet, never fear. And as always, I'll be updating all of you every step of the way. 

Until then, shine on, you crazy diamonds. 


  1. lol that is awesome!

    First, I wouldn't say you're numb to rejection. I'd say you're indifferent to attempted rejections from men you haven't even thought about or cared about one way or another.

    Yay you!

  2. They were such nice "rejection" emails.. at least they emailed you back and not left you hanging. And your response was really good too. I don't think you're numb, you know what you want too, and understand when someone has met someone else or just got out of a tough breakup.

    I tried the dating website thing in France and got so many pure sex invites or those who wanted to show the foreigner a good time ;) I dated a guy for a while but ended up meeting my current boyf through different channels and had to let down the guy gently.

    Good luck with the dating, it'll happen when it happens.

  3. You kill me. Seriously. The "shine on, crazy diamonds" ending put me over the edge. You are one awesome chick, even if these guys are too stupid to see it... YET.

  4. I've spent nearly my whole adult life trying to be comfortably numb you know that... and fear not i think your writing will still shine angst or not. Cuz you know right now your're just like a lost soul swimming in a fish bowl, running over the same old ground but you know the story. and of course you can always ghost write my life story there J. Peterman.

  5. I don't think this is a bad thing. The sting of rejection is an awful feeling and this just shows your not letting yourself be affected by guys that aren't worth your time. That's awesome.

  6. About a year ago I realised that the best use for OK Cupid is to get book, film, and music recommendations from high-rated match profile pages.

  7. It's apparent that no matter what you write about-- numbness, home decor-- it's still good.

  8. You are way too smart for most guys (no offense to any smart guys reading...). I think you should get yourself a book deal, do all the talk shows to promote it and start dating celebrities. But then you couldn't write about it on your blog unless you used code names...

  9. Sounds as if the men are even shallower than the kiddy pool you are forced to wade in. D.C. men are very deep! Also pretentious--but so many more of them.


  10. Isn't "Comfortably Numb" an album title by somebody?
    I was seriously just thinking today that maybe I should just give up on the whole dating/love/marriage idea and just end the Boyer lineage with myself. Or find some random guy to impregnate me at the right time. (Although statistics say it's not great to raise a kid with one parent. But I'm trying!) So I totally hear your rant today. I feel like a kind of alien reject. Come visit me so we can cry woe is us together!

  11. Oh, C. You seem fragile, so I won't even make fun of you for your pitiful lack of Pink Floyd knowledge.

    I definitely want to come visit soon. Miss you!

  12. hey! I put a life list up on my blog a little while ago and I don't think it's lame..I draw the line at home decor though (says the girl who will be posting pics of her newly furnished apartment as soon as she gets her motherf**cking internet back up and working).

    My advice? Try to date guys who like animals and/or own a dog. They tend to be better people all around :)

  13. I would offer dating advice, but if my advice were sound I would be fucking dating someone. Then again I'm pretty much chilled on the whole rejection thing as well, except not as healthily as you. For me it's all, "Yep, figured. Peace out. I'm way more fun than any of those broads anyway."

  14. Ha! Um, don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you need to have someone else write your online profile? Someone more optimistic, eh, Charlie Brown? Because you're awesome, and apparently the rest of the dating world isn't catching on.