Since I arrived in Mythaca a year ago, I've been back and forth on this whole online dating thing. It's not like in Boston where I could just go on thirty first dates in the span of a few months. When you go from a city with a population of 4 million to a town of 30,000, let's just say the pickings get a bit slim. But, since everyone knows that you can't win if you don't play the game, I re-activated my dormant OkCupid account back in November, went on two dates (and we all know how that turned out), and promptly took myself back offline. By May, I was feeling that itch again, and so I dipped my toe back into the great online dating puddle, went on zero dates, got fed up, and pulled the plug. Again. Most recently, a few weeks ago I was sitting in my room at my parents' house (the fact that I was most likely bored out of my mind goes without saying), and figured, Well, I can at least see who's out there... and before I knew it, bam, I was back in the game. But, you know they don't call me the Charlie Brown of dating for nothin' (lest you think this is all a sneaky backdoor intro to some kind of "Holy crap guys, I'm in love!!!1!" -type announcement), ((spoiler alert--it's not)), but one thing I have noticed is that this time around, at least, the rejections have gotten a lot easier to take. Case in point, this e-mail I recently received from a guy I had e-mailed back and forth with a few times back in May without ever meeting, and promptly forgotten about:
For what it's worth, I wanted to say sorry for cutting off talking with you. It was soon after a break up, I thought I was ready to get back to it, and I was wrong. I know that's not much of an excuse, but it's a reason, a selfish, immature reason. So again, I am sorry.
My initial response: Wait, who are you, again? Then, after some brain-racking and archive-searching, this was my actual response:
Actually, I took my profile down pretty shortly after we started talking and just put it up again about a week ago. So... I guess I didn't really notice. But thanks for letting me know. Best of luck!
Then we have this e-mail I just received today from a guy I met for a drink last weekend. It reads:
It was nice to meet you the other day. This whole dating thing will always be strange to me, so exploratory and ever-changing. Anyway, I've met someone else and we are loosely seeing one another. I'm not really sure where it's going, but I wanted to let you know.
Pretentious Grad Student Guy
Thanks for the update! Best of luck to you.
Even Pete has gotten in on the action, sending me a text message a couple weeks ago that read, Even though you'll be passing through the town where I live, and even though I already told you a week ago that we should totally hang out, actually, since then I've sort of started seeing someone, and even though it's definitely not going to last for more than another week or two, tops, I really don't want to do anything to mess that up right now, so in conclusion, I actually can't see you this weekend. Don't hate the player! (Ok, so I may have loosely paraphrased, here. Except for the last line. He totally said that. And used a smiley face emoticon.) My response? Hey, congrats, and good luck with that! And I meant it, too.
What is happening to me? Have I finally become immune to rejection? You know what they say about falling off a horse; you have to get right back on it. But what they don't tell you is that if you fall off the horse enough times, eventually you'll suffer nerve damage and not be able to feel anything at all. It's like... it's like... when I was a child, I had a fever, right? And my hands, they felt like... two balloons? And now I have that feeling once again, oh... I can't explain it, you wouldn't understand.
But you know what I mean? It's like... numb, but... not in a bad way? Like, comfortably numb?
Ach, forget it, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
All I know is this can't bode well for the blog. What will I write about if I can't get all worked up and angsty and offended over all of life's great injustices? The next thing you know I'll be one of those blogs writing about home decor, or something. I may even write a life list! And check things off one by one as I accomplish them! I know!
Aging: it's like a sedative for your soul! But don't worry, I will not go gently into that good night. I'll get back the angst of my twenties, Internet, never fear. And as always, I'll be updating all of you every step of the way.
Until then, shine on, you crazy diamonds.