Thursday, August 5, 2010

Why I need a boyfriend (reason #19,659)

Well, where to start? So, I'm here! I moved and it was only minimally traumatic, as is to be expected when one has heavy boxes to move and moving trucks to drive and no boyfriend and only one friend who hasn't left town for the weekend who has sort of grudgingly agreed to help. Not to mention the fact that U-Haul double booked a reservation and handed me the keys to a box truck instead of the cargo van I had requested specifically because it was not a box truck, which I then had to drive all around town. And which ended up being fine, and, you know, go me, but standing at the counter of the U-Haul office and scanning the line of customers it went something like: male, male, male, probably male, male, me. And, not for the first time, and probably not for the last time, I thought, Goddamn, I wish I had a boyfriend. You know, not for love or companionship or anything like that ('cause my formerly soft and squishy insides have pretty much calcified into igneous rock by now), but to stand in the never-ending U-Haul line and to move my massively outdated and (I have been told) unnecessarily heavy television for me. I am not trying to be anti-feminist here, and yeah, as it turns out I am perfectly capable of driving a 10 ft truck around town, but the t.v.? It's just not happening. Have you seen these arms? They're like two al dente spaghetti noodles, pretty well toned and yet thoroughly useless. I tried moving that t.v. once, and after realizing my mistake a split second too late all I could do was try to slow its descent to the ground, and hope that my toes cushioned the impact. (Both it, and my toes, survived.) But it does sort of piss me off that I'm not as self-sufficient as I feel like I should be. Did you know that when I have to put air in my tires at the gas station, I have to rely on an embarrassed smile and a helpless shrug to flag down whatever capable-looking guy happens to be walking by?

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yes. So the new place is lovely and perfect, though not so perfect that I can post pictures of it yet, as I hope to get the box situation under control first. 

Annnnnnnd tomorrow is the last day of class for the summer, although the fall semester starts August 25th, which is still summer in my book, but at least I get a couple weeks off in between. I'm going to go home, maybe meet up with some other bloggers and readers (ummm, Kalee? [F]oxy? Shannon? You guys still in? Bueller?), and go hang with some ponies on the beach. I just have to get through tomorrow first. 

So, how are all of you? What's the best thing about this summer? And don't just not answer, 'cause I really want to know. Ready? GO!


  1. Well...... sadly it's not summer here. But the best thing about this winter I guess is that spring will be next and then summer! Yesss! I'm glad you've got a nice new place and I hope you have the perfect spot for your TV. I find I need a man too in such situations as you mention, but I just unashamedly play the old lady role now when required. You are not eligible to do that! :-)

  2. "male, male, probaby male"

    Arms like spaghetti noodles

    Woman, get yourself an agent. Get both of you to a publisher. You've got to compile these gems into a book. Pure gold.

  3. I nearly snorted coffee at Starbucks. I agree with Dawn, you need to write all this shit down and put it together in a book. Women will relate.

    If it makes you feel any better, a few years ago I had a tire go out and the lady at the tire place, when I had to call my dad for tire advice and I said I was a girly girl and it would be a sec, told me that even girls need to know about these things. I looked her dead on, and explained that I have a dad, 3 brothers, a smorgasbord of guy friends and quite frankly I couldn't imagine a time when I needed to waste brain space with this information since worst comes to worst there are professionals who could help. I think she thought I was dumb, but I thought she was an idiot. I don't need to know how to do every damn little thing, that's what outsourcing is for.

    Can't wait to see pics of the new place. We've been in ours for about 9 months and it's still not all put together! And yes, I'm still in for a meetup!

  4. You don't need a boyfriend, you need more disposable income. Last time I moved, I hired two sketchy dudes off Craigslist, all by myself. The hardest work I did was packing boxes. After two hours and one trip with the included small truck, I paid them what they'd asked for, plus a tip, and it ended up being under $200. I HATE moving; it was totally worthwhile. (Except for worrying they might return to my new apartment to kill me in my sleep.)

    Best part of this summer? Finally learning to swim with my head under water :-)

  5. Moving sucks with or without a partner - trust me! plus without a partner you can avoid all that nasty bickering that moving tends to bring out (unless you happen to be the perfect couple). I totally here you on the lifting boxes though...just moved myself and I'll be doing it again - a lot of times good friends in the area are better than boyfriend just offer them pizza and beer at the end of the day :).

    Best thing about the summer, Swimming almost everyday outside in the sun in a beautiful Olympic pool (I'm a fish!) - why did I never swim in France!?

    Kudos P for getting your head under :)

  6. My boyfriend is pretty much useless when it comes to physical stuff. We can't even play a game of catch because he's so uncoordinated. Ask him to write you code to determine what the fastest way to perform airplane maintenance, and he's good to go. Moving heavy things, not so much. So when I moved in with him last year, my first task was calling movers. For less than $500, and just under 5 hours, they moved my shitton of crap to his house and I barely broke a sweat. I'll never do it any other way.

    Best thing about this summer has been the hours and hours I've sat on my front porch reading in the new comfy chairs. And county fair season is still ahead of me. I can't wait!

  7. How did I miss that you were coming to DC?? I want to meet you :)

  8. So I'm something of an expert when it comes to moving... not to brag. I mean, I still keep good, sturdy moving boxes cause I'm used to moving so much.

    My consultation fee is simple - beer. Lots of it. And food.

    I'm not too sure where this comment is going, but since I just moved this summer, I suppose that's what I've been up to. Figuring out how not to get shot in my new, though incredibly affordable, neighborhood.

    Yes, we're still on for a meet up! And I'm bringing you a surprise, a token of appreciation for providing me with hours of when-i'm-not-at-work-entertainment.