Thursday, April 15, 2010

Why a sleepover's no fun when it's a party of one

Ok, let's recap. He's bearded, kissable, and highly snuggleable. He seems nice enough, and we have fun when we're together. He came over, and I thought last night might be "the night." No, not that night, but the night when we might spend the night, the whole night, together. But, go figure that after the last guy I dated would spend the night but not have sex with me, in a stroke of poetic justice, the universe has seen fit to send me a guy who will have sex with me but never, ever spend the night. In fact, I've never seen someone go so quickly deer-in-the-headlights over the mere suggestion of it. His eyes wide and nervous, "Ha ha," he responded, and went to put his clothes on. You would have thought I'd suggested we might go and look at rings together, sometime. "I'm not being evasive," he said, when pressed (which is, of course, the number one top evasive response of all time). "I'm not sure that I would be able to sleep here," he said. "And besides, what time do you have to get up in the morning?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, and turned over on my side. It didn't matter what I said. It didn't matter if I didn't have to be at work until 12:30. His shoes were already on. He gave me a perfunctory kiss, but I lay still, unmoving. I heard the front door close.

It didn't take long, but the glow is definitely over. And so I ask, shaking my fist at the vast and empty sky, Can nothing ever go right for me, just once???

And I ask you, too, Internet, and tell me honestly: is it possible that I am, perhaps, just the weest bit too sensitive? No, I know, it's ridiculous...but...maybe? Please tell me I am not overreacting here. (Or am I?)


  1. You're not over reacting, he's not into you for more than a good time.

    :( Chin up, you'll find someone worthy of offering you everything you want, want,need,desire,crave and have it be mutual.


  2. No. That would be annoying. Once or twice - maybe OK. But all the time? Not cool.

  3. I think your reaction is natural. I say that because I'm the same way. Except I have to say that girls like us we have to learn some kind of trick or something because when it comes to dating we have to realize that there will be A LOT of rejection. Like A LOT. Not because we're not fabulous, but actually because WE ARE. That just freaks the non committal douchers right the fuck out. :)

    Keep at it. Mythica has got to have a trick up it's sleeve somewhere.

    (Or else you just have to come back to Paris and be a spinster in the City of Lights.)

  4. DTMFA! If you read Dan Savage that'll make sense, if not, Dump the Mother-Fucker Already. I swear you probably think I'm the most negative commenter ever, but I swear I just think you're worth more. You're seriously smart and cute and funny and pretty and have great hair, and...some guy will WANT to spend the night with you. Seriously. I know this guy is cute and has a beard and whatever, but if he's not into sleepovers and you are, and it's possibly a dealbreaker? Break the deal and quit wasting time! I definitely did my fair share (more probably) of sleeping around and not sleeping OVER, but it got old after a while and when I admitted I really did want a boyfriend and not a boy-friend-with-benefits, it was way easier to ditch the guys who weren't into it. I don't love sleeping in other people's beds either, so maybe he has a sleep thing, but...maybe not. Talk to him about it? And keep us posted? Please? Don't hate me! I just like you and hate seeing creeps take up your time!

  5. You're absolutely not overreacting. I'd feel the same as you do, or probably worse. I'd feel completely used. I do admit that I can get way too sensitive about such things, and I already feel used if he leaves the bed for too long, but I'm quite sure that making a smooth escape, and what's more, making a habit out of it, is a no-no.

  6. You gotta tell him it leaves you cold! If he cares, he'll tell you why he bolts. If not, then you have your answer.

    Oh, and then tell us :-) Bonne chance.

  7. Can you send him this way and I will send my husband who wont stop draping his legs across me all night?

    Because sex and then leaves? Sounds like HEAVEN to this married chick. Heaven, I tell you!

    I dont think its a matter of "he isnt into you", I think its a matter of its too soon for the intimacy of drooling, farting, snoring and all other things male/sleep related. And yes, Im aware that I said "too soon" and you already did the deed. But in a guy's mind, there is no such thing as too soon for doing THAT.

  8. You're not overreacting, because you like him. But dumping someone you like because they haven't spend the night when you've been dating for less than a month? NOW I'm calling you picky.

  9. sounds like you want it to progress into a relationship and he doesn't

  10. Maybe he just doesn't like to sleep over? Maybe he really wouldn't sleep? If he likes you and spends time with you when the sun's up and when he could be doing things with other friends on the weekend, then he's probably into you.

    On the other hand, if it bugs you enough that you don't want to date him, then maybe you just aren't that into him!

    In other news, I have a little present for you on my blog ( Happy Thursday!

  11. The bastard... Was it at least any good? :\

  12. Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

    Why, bearded, kissable, snuggleable, G&Tdrinking, yogapracticing guy? *curses*

    Seriously, I agree with -P. Just tell him. Or ask him. Talk to him about it, but try to make it sound like it's not the biggest deal in the world? He might have his reasons for taking the whole relationship-thing slow, and he might feel all kinds of trapped if you get all passive-aggressive girlfriend on him.
    Though - you should be honest about the way you feel. So, talk to him about it!

    For me it's one of the meanest things you could possibly do to a person, leaving like that! So being too sensitive? No. You have a right to be.
    But, he could be telling the truth about not being able to sleep at your house, and that would make it somewhat less mean, I guess. (though, shouldn't all that yoga-practicing make him all balanced and mellow etc..? ;) )

    Also, I might have this naive-and-romantic-idea of things - but after the first time of having doritos together, shouldn't he kinda want to be with you all night? or at least for a couple of hours after? I mean - it's the decent thing to do, isn't it?

    Maybe you should try going to his house, and see if he tries to kick you out after? (it might make you feel even worse, though!!!!!!)

    I'm not willing to write off this guy just yet, he seemed so promising! Haven't we all got our flaws, after all?

    In short: You should talk to him about it. BUT, you deserve someone who wants to cuddle you after!

  13. I don't think you even need to ask and anyone's opinion through your telling of the story is going to biased. You know whether he's into you or not. Don't make excuses for him or let blog commenters make excuses for him.

    I would also ask- are you calling him for these hook-ups or is he calling you? It sounds like a booty call either way.

  14. Well, not that I should have to defend myself, though I sort of feel like I have to after the last comment, they aren't "booty calls." They're dates that end in movie watching/snuggling/etc. And yes, sometimes that, too. And sometimes he initiates the date, and sometimes I do. And yes, I do think he seems into me, although apparently not as into me as perhaps I want him to be. The eternal dilemma.

  15. I guess if we wanted his opinion we'd be looking for his blog, right? No? I never got that about internet comments. Of COURSE it's one-sided. I doubt any blogger sets out to tell all sides of a story.

  16. What if you start out at his house and then you just happen to stay the night? If he asks you to leave after doritos, this is a serious problem, and possibly unfixable.

    At this point in a relationship, sleep isn't supposed to matter. I need my solid 8 hours every night, but every time I've been at the giddy beginning of a relationship, I end up getting about 2 hours just because there's the cuddling and the talking and the doritos and the last thing I want to do is leave his side. If this guy is bolting afterward, he's obviously not really that into the idea of a relationship. If he really wanted to stay, the amount of sleep he needs isn't really going to matter to him, at least at this point.

    I know this sounds negative, but don't make excuses for him. Try to initiate a sleepover at his house, and if he comes up with some excuse why you need to leave, then leave for good.