Friday, April 16, 2010

Why if one won't do--go for two!

Well, his ears must have been burning after my shout-out on yesterday's post, because guess which doritos-withholding former date from the Internet initiated a google chat with me yesterday, out of the blue? Why, yes, it was Mr. Hot-then-Cold Jimmy James himself. (Not to be confused with my once friend, the formerly Married Guy James, now known as James the Tool). I hadn't talked to him since our split back in January, but now, suddenly, he wants to know what I'm up to.

He was oh-so-casual, letting me know that he has since moved to Mythaca, and expressing the desire to maybe bump into each other "out" sometime. And suddenly I'm left thinking how ironic it all is, that I'm having almost exactly the same problem with Andrew now that I had with Jimmy James: they are (or were) both afraid of getting too close, too fast, only they express it in different ways. One wanted to share my bed but not his body, and the other one wants my body but not my bed. And the problem-solver in me is thinking, Hmmm, there's got to be a solution in here somewhere...

I mean, think about it--two half boyfriends pretty much equal one whole one, right? All I have to do is schedule it right, and I can have my doritos and eat them too! "Hey baby, whatcha doin'? Oh nothing, I was just hanging out with a friend. Wanna come over for a cuddle and a quick eight-hour snooze?" And voilĂ --everyone's happy. It's almost too perfect, right?

I jest, of course. (Or do I?) I mean, I would never stoop to such a thing. (Or would I?) No, no, definitely not. Although the thought alone has me rubbing my hands in glee and cackling like a cartoon villain. In any case, it's always good to have a back-up plan.

8 comments:

  1. I must say, I like it...it's so...logical. These things never work. But it sounds so good on paper. Try it! What do you have to lose?

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  2. OMG. This is getting good... ;D

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  3. I saw a very similar scenario on a TV show last night. A comedy of errors ensued, of course, because it was television (They were all at the same place at once! with the third guy (the one she's meant to be with, of course) laughing the whole time!).

    But you know what? You never said you were exclusive with either... You haven't taken down your profile, right? I say go for it. A guy totally would.

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  4. On an unrelated note, I apologize for my misuse of punctuation in my previous comment. Quelle disastre catastrophe!

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  5. In regards to your previous post. I do NOT think you're too sensitive. I would be devastated if a guy a slept with jumped out the door fast like lightening.

    As to this post. I say make it as awkward as possible sit the two of them down together and be like "since neither of you are going to give me exactly what I want...I am going to keep you both around until I find someone better.

    If not for you, do it for your blog. :)

    (you know I kid...right?) (or do I?)

    (No I do)

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  6. Do it. If nothing else, do it for the blog.

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  7. Why does your blog always bring me back to the movie Charlotte Sometimes? Because that was the -exact- situation that girl was in. She fucked (sorry ladies, made love) to her boyfriend every night, and then went downstairs to snuggle and fall asleep with her close male friend afterwards, who of course, was secretly in love with her, and had to endure the sounds of their carnal sex-making. What the hell was the theme of that movie? Fuck if I know. I just enjoyed the nudity and sex scenes. And I do not understand the exact significance of the title either, though I'm sure it is a pretty one.

    I'm the same way he is. Don't take offense, we just sleep better in our own beds. Though you, as every other woman in history, has the power to change him and break him like a retarded, lame horse. And you will ride him (lolz) and he will be with you, even unto the early of the morn. Also you are being clingy, and that is terrifying. Lol, kidding.

    NEXT SEXY TIME YOU KICK HIS ASS OUT RIGHT AFTERWARDS, AND LET HIM FEEL LIKE THE USED SLUT, NAW MEAN?

    "Thanks for that babe, that was nice, high five! I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah? Okay, remember to lock the door on the way out!"

    Booyah.

    PS - my captcha was mylord. Is this a sign?

    PPS - I'm happy for you Rach. May this one, actually be the one. Cause the clock's ticking on the baby-making, naw mean?! LOLZ!

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