Sunday, March 7, 2010

Why men are from Mars, and actually, maybe they should have stayed there

The last time I wrote about my friend Pete-the-present-tease, he had just admitted to having found my blog. What I didn't mention was that he then spent the next hour trying to pry my hands from my ever-reddening face, as I rocked back in forth in a semi-catatonic state and wondered if one could actually die of embarrassment. A little bit of flattery goes a long way, however, and soon enough I was peering through my fingers and saying, "But, you like it? Really? And you really think I'm a good writer? Are you sure you're not just saying that to be nice? Yeah?, heeee...I mean, gosh. Thanks!" Then, somewhere in this roller coaster ride of emotions I for some reason suggested he write a guest post. This was clearly a brilliant, terrible, genius, very bad idea for a variety of reasons, and I'm not even sure why I suggested it in the first place, except that I thought it might be nice to get a bit of a male perspective around here, for a change. Surprisingly, he was immediately enthusiastic about the idea, and so we spent the next few days in a back-and-forth Facebook conversation/escalating cage match/Mars-Venus-style smackdown that ultimately didn't culminate in anything remotely resembling a guest post, because--what? The guy who taunted me with a non-existent Christmas present didn't follow through on something? Gasp!

And so, some six weeks after the fact, and no closer to a Pete-authored post, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Below you will find a transcript of our increasingly frustrated online conversation. Because Pete, you see, is a guy. And sometimes, well...sometimes guys are jerks. Or maybe not jerks, exactly. Just brutally honest in an actually-those-jeans-DO-make-your-butt-look-big kind of way. So, heartless bastard or hapless teller of the gods honest truth? I leave it to the Internet to decide.

Here he is in his very own words--my friend Pete:

January 17 at 9:50pm, from Pete
So after reading all the responses to your blog, largely for my own vanity, I've decided that my guest post needs to address people's inability to accept then deal with their own mediocrity. This is, in my opinion, the predominant reason WHY most of us never get what we want. I would of course focus mainly on women getting men, which seems to be the most popular subject you write about.

The responses left on your blog inspired me because they were all some derivative of 'you deserve better.' I couldn't find one response suggesting that you improve something. In short, I get fed up with how its politically incorrect to say anything other than 'you're perfect just the way you are.' I feel like 90% of people actually believe that garbage.

The only thing I worry about is that you'll take my post as a commentary on your life specifically. I assure you the first paragraph will explicitly put that suspicion to rest, in your mind and the reader's. And if that's not enough, you'll know I'm not speaking directly to you when I suggest that people lose weight. :) With that said, there will be parts that apply to everyone (including you and me)... that's the idea.

Approved or denied?

January 17 at 10:23pm, Rachel says:
"The responses left on your blog inspired me because they were all some derivative of 'you deserve better.' I couldn't find one response suggesting that you improve something."

Well, what would YOU suggest I improve upon then, Peter? Why don't we just start with that?

January 18 at 1:15am, Pete says:
If you're last message was sarcastic read no further, otherwise:

I'm not suggesting you change anything specific. I'm not saying your blog's followers should suggest you change anything specific. I'm not saying any member of society should suggest that any other mem
ber of society change anything specific. What I want to say in a guest post, is that IN GENERAL when someone comments that they're upset about not getting something they want in life we shouldn't say by default 'don't worry, you'll get it, you deserve it.' Doing so discourages self-improvement. Most people hear this throughout their entire life, and as a result have an inflated sense of self-worth and entitlement. I believe this is where most unhappiness comes from. If people at the very least accepted their "mediocrity" they would be much happier. I simply wanted to write a piece on how this has affected our society. Only an individual can decide what, if anything, they need to improve in a particular circumstance.

With that said, if you want me to write about you or have an incredibly painful off-the-record discussion where we go back-and-forth saying things we'd improve about the other person I'm happy to do so (actual
ly, I'm not sure I'd want to know) - but either way it would have nothing to do with the guest post I'm currently asking permission to write.

Approved or denied?

January 18 at 12:09pm, Rachel says:
So, so many things here.

a) There are mediocre people in the world. This is true. We see them every day. We know who they are. But. My friends are not mediocre. I am not mediocre. The people who read my blog are not mediocre. I like to think of my blog as a little community where, much like Lake Woebegone, we are all above average. If you want to disagree with me about this, fine. But I reserve the right to call you an asshole.

b) As far as having "an inflated sense of self-worth and entitlement": bullshit. I can't speak for most people here but I can speak for myself, since as the author of my blog I am often the target of a lot of virtual back-patting and "there there's" and "you deserve better's" that, as you claim, do more harm than good. There are only a couple of things that I know I do well. I write. I speak French. That's pretty much it. Inflated sense of self-worth? That's laughable, and if you've read my blog at all, as I assume you have, you would know that. If anything the opposite is true and I am often crippled with self-doubt and insecurities. And you know what? Sometimes it's nice to have a counter to all those voices in my head, and have actual real people say positive, encouraging things, because without them it's easy to get mired down in the negative. And if they say I "deserve" better, then so what? You want to tell me I don't? Go ahead. Tell me. But as a matter of fact, inflated sense of self-worth aside, I DO deserve better. And you know how I know is because EVERYONE deserves better than a guy who makes them feel like shit/a part-time job that's the best you can but still doesn't pay the bills/etc. So yeah, I do deserve better. Not as the "unique" being full of "special" qualities that is me, but as a PERSON.

c) You know what? Write it. Oh, they're going to lynch you, but it's your funeral. Metaphorically speaking, of course. My only stipulation is that I include my response to it after.

d) You keep saying that it's "not personal" and you're speaking "in general," but it IS personal. My blog=personal. (My PERSONAL blog which I never asked you nor gave you permission to read!) And you got this idea by reading about MY life and people's reactions to it. So if I'm a bit touchy, that is why.

e) Since you're "happy to do so," sure, what WOULD you have me improve upon, Pete? And be specific. The more painful the better. It's for my own good, right?

Ready set go. Write. Guest post away. I can't wait to read it, in a reserved, hesitant sort of way. It should be good for provoking discussion, in any case.

January 18 at 4:59pm, Pete says:
Rather than write out another lengthy defense, or try once more to put my words in a different order to convince you that I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, I'll do this:

You said, and I quote, "My friends are not mediocre. I am not mediocre... I do de
serve better." Copy just one quote from either of my last two messages where I say your friends are mediocre, you are mediocre, or that you don't deserve better. If you can find just one I will pay you $100, no joke. Go ahead, I'll wait.

How'd that go? :)

Good, now that we've put that misunderstanding to rest... I'll begin writing tonight. At least I know I'm on to something controversial. People love that shit.

PS I'd really like to have angry sex with you right now.

January 19 at 10:28am, Rachel says:
I hope you're getting a good workout from all that back-pedaling.

Anyway, not to split hairs, but the very idea of a generalization means that it applies to individuals within a population. Thus, your generalization that people have inflated egos while they are in fact mediocre and need to deal with it, if it doesn't apply to me, or my friends, or the people that read my blog, must mean either that it's not a very good generalization, or you're frantically back-tracking. Oh, I know, I know. It's not about ME. It's about OTHER PEOPLE. Whatever.

How's the writing going? Better than average, would you say? Or just mediocre? Sorry. Ahem.

And angry sex? First you get me all ticked off and then you have to go and say something sweet like that. Goddammit.

January 19 at 3:24pm, Pete says:
Do you even read my messages? Be honest.

Asking you to show me a quote where I said that you or your friends were mediocre or that you don't deserve better, after you commented as if I had made those assertions, is not back-pedaling. Back-pedaling is to retreat from a previous comment. I'm asking you to bring that previous comment to the forefront, where I will embrace it and apologize for it. In fact, it is literally the opposite of back-pedaling. But you haven't found a quote, have you? Because I never said anything of the sort. So why are we still having this discussion? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Of course parts of my post would apply to you and/or one or more of your friends. From my first message: "With that said, there will be parts that APPLY to everyone (including you and me)... that's the idea." Any generalization of society must by definition have aspects that are relevant to the experience of many individuals. That doesn't mean those aspects were included for the purpose of critiquing or advising a specific individual. Have you ever read something that wasn't written directly to/for you, yet found that it resonated in your life? Isn't that part of the reason you have a blog? So that others can hear your thoughts and maybe in some sort of indirect way benefit by finding something that rings true in their experience?

I am definitely a mediocre writer, and somewhat ironically I blame this on teachers telling me so. If only they had said I was perfect it might have inspired me. Hmmm.

January 19 at 4:38pm
You said, and I quote, and I will quote it AGAIN: "The responses left on your blog inspired me because they were all some derivative of 'you deserve better.' I couldn't find one response suggesting that you improve something." If this isn't a commentary on my gross imperfection and basic failure as a human being then I don't know what is. I believe you owe me $100, please, Mr. Talky McLawyerspeak.

Anyway, let's not fight, baby.
And then it just sort of devolves from there and we both agree to disagree and he stops responding to my Facebook messages altogether, which doesn't annoy me at all, in case you were wondering. But! Did you see that, Internet? I defended you! I said you were all above average, and you know? I really do believe that. In fact, all you readers and commenters are about the least mediocre people I know. So there!

But, I am a little bit curious--What do you think about Pete's main premise, that the idea that platitudes like "You deserve better" are actually detrimental, and that we would all be better off if we were a little bit more critical of each other, and a little more accepting of our own "mediocrity?" I'm wondering if this isn't a straight-up gender thing, relating to the fact that men want to "fix" things while women prefer to talk about their problems, and aren't actually looking for more than some sympathetic nodding in response. Thoughts?

Oh, and the interest of full disclosure...I couldn't let you go on thinking that he didn't make good on his promise of a Christmas present, and judging him for it. When he came by a couple weeks ago, he actually brought me this:

A shiny pink somewhat cryptically inscribed sleep mask that he got from a Mardi Gras float?!

Aww, baby, you shouldn't have.


  1. Hmm..tough philosophical argument you got there. To start, I don't agree with him. I believe that we are all snowflakes, not mediocre. A spectrum of genetics, human culture, and life experiences. I will profess to people on reality tv maybe getting lumped in this category, but I digress.

    I also think that no one should 'accept' that they are mediocre. And that you can still be 'not mediocre' and still work on self-improvement. We tell each other "you deserve better" mostly to try and comfort the other person. I like to think that a true friend would tell me if it was something that I had done, but most of the time it is a remark on the other person's jerky behavior.

    I do have to say that in the beginning I thought Pete was just being a smart-ass. Taking an unpopular opinion to rile things up (and maybe rile you up?) But if his general smart-assness doesn't turn you on, then eh.

    And what kind of xmas present is THAT?!

  2. I would agree with your assessment that when we say "you deserve better", we mean as human beings we deserve to be treated with respect and decency.

    It doesn't mean that a person is perfect, couldn't improve or hasn't made mistakes. We ALL can improve, no matter how un-mediocre we are. And in relationships especially, it almost always takes two to get you where you are. Having a positive, healthy relationship requires hard work, sensitivity and self-reflection on behalf of both partners. Having a shitty, defunct relationship almost always stems from the actions of both as well. Maybe some partners are more defunct than others, but both have a role to play in perpetuating the problems.

    The problem I see most often is not mediocrity but selfishness and self-centeredness. When you really love each other, there is no ego anymore. There is no "you" or "I", there is just "us"- and what helps or hurts us.

    And I think a true friend will not only tell you that you deserve better when you're with a douchebag, but they'll also tell you straight up when they think you're effing up. And if you have any doubts whether the readers of this blog would do such a thing, I would direct your attention to the comments on the post regarding the potential affair with a married man.

  3. Wow, that post was frustrating to read…but also pretty insightful. I think it’s wrong to tell people to accept mediocrity. It reminds me of the boss who puts down his employees out of fear that one of them might turn out to be better than them. We should always encourage people to shoot for the stars and try new things because who knows when something will work out for somebody and what that thing might be. Besides, who are you to tell somebody else what mediocre is? Maybe you see the auto repair guy as doing something mediocre when they see it as doing something great? That being said, I think if somebody is continuously wallowing in self-pity when their real problem is lack of effort – you should be straight-up honest with them.

    For somebody to tell you that you deserve better is good and comforting. It does not mean that they are trying to lull you in to complacency. I’m sure they’d offer suggestions at the appropriate time, or if you asked, but there’s nothing wrong with providing comfort when comfort is needed.

  4. ehh, i was gonna write a long response to this, but in a nutshell: i think pete actually has a valid point in there somewhere; the problem is that it totally doesn't apply to you, or this blog (for reasons that you have already stated). so it seems pretty wasted here.

  5. Hard to handle talk of mediocrity from a dude who wrote the words "If you're last message..."

    I get what he's saying to an extent, but it depends on the situation. If a guy is treating a girl like total shit, which, according to your description he basically was, then OF COURSE her friends/family/blog readers are going to say "You can do better."

    That doesn't mean it's a blanket statement to be used 100% of the time. I've had friends come to me for advice or to talk about relationship problems, and there have been times I've said "Apologize." "You're overreacting." "If you keep acting like this, he might leave you." Etc. etc. etc. Other times it's "Dump his ass, you can do better."

    I don't really see him having a solid point, or giving any specific examples to help illustrate his point. Friends aren't honest with friends, so that leads to inflated self-esteem and a lack of self-improvement? Maybe for some, but my friendships aren't like that so it's not very relevant to me.

  6. Hello!! I am a very frequent reader of your blog (loves it!) and usually lurk but felt compelled to answer...

    I quickly read over the posts, but I get what Pete is saying... I think...

    I think that we have the tendency to spout platitudes in an effort to "be nice" and not to hurt the other person... Even when a dose of reality would do them good. I, myself, have been accused of being a little too "honest/critical", but I also tend not to share my opinion about some of that stuff (like relationships / life problems /existential angst etc) until I've been directly asked. Why? Because people get mad/defensive when you don't tell them what they want to hear... At least in my experience, they are looking for someone to agree, or to sympathize, or both. It's human nature though, and it's perfectly okay to not want to be alone with regards to a particular stance you have or decision you have made... Or to want to have a "cheerleader" at least some of the time... But I think it can be detrimental at times as well.

    This situation actually made me think of another expat blogger who I frequently read who is currently looking for a job in her adopted land... I think the situation is that she wants a job in a particular field but has been encountering difficulties since she doesn't have the required degrees or experience in said field (though I may be wrong)...Basically, she got a lot of responses of "you can do it!" and "it'll work out for you in the end because you have the drive and determination!" on her blog after venting her frustrations... And then somebody (who worked in the field and had inside knowledge) commented saying that realistically, it would be extremely difficult to get a job without the degrees/experience... And this person got blasted by the blogger and the readers and labelled as being negative... Overall, the comment met a very icy reception even though it wasn't antagonist (at least, that's how I perceived it). So in this case, being a "naysayer/realist" amongst a sea of "cheerleaders"... What to do?

    I also remember when you had the dilemma with the married man and you asked your readers to be gentle...But sometimes the truth will hurt regardless of how it's dressed up...

    I think it's best to remember that opinions are like a**holes... Everybody has them... And that it's best to not allow ourselves to get entirely caught up with what people think anyway.

  7. You know what? I kind of think that he's right. Its not something I realized before you asked the question. I am more often annoyed when I hear people getting upset about some slightly, possibly negative suggestion about themselves- particularly when I am secretly agreeing that some constructive criticism would be useful. When someone criticizes me, I do try to ask myself, Is there some part of this comment that might be true? If the criticism is off-base, then what would make them say that? That doesn't mean I do anything about it (it has often been noted, coincidentally, that I am lazy...) but in order to have any amount of self-awareness, it seems like a necessary reflection. Ultimately, if you truly want to escape mediocrity, its necessary to try to be a better person. And in order to know what to improve, surely you need to hear (I mean, really listen to) negative comments?

  8. Hmm...I've been reading your blog for a while but haven't really commented on anything yet because I felt like I didn't have the right/ was intruding on something personal if I did.
    But since you asked the question...and I'm itching to answer this, here goes:

    He's right. But you're right too.
    He's right in that we all tend to want to pick up the pieces when somebody in front of us breaks apart, telling them that they deserve better or that the other party causing them to be hurt is an ass/mean/evil, whatever you want to call it. At least that's true when it comes to women. We are too scared to be critical of our friends, to point out their faults because most of the time we don't want the same done to us. We wnat to be patted on the back when it's our turn to fall apart.
    But really, that solves nothing. You see, a lot of the heart-break women go through (especially if it is repeated and pertains to the same topic) is due to something that we do/don't do REPEATEDLY.
    Now don't get me wrong, I am NOT pointing fingers at you or at anybody else who has been facing a problem repeatedly. I am just stating facts. If in given situation A you act with given action B the result will always be C. Either A or B have to be different in order for outcome C to change.
    And if A is NOT going to change and you don't know that B is wrong, you'll always get the same C over and over again.
    And as friends we really ought to point out the B that is wrong with our friends. That attitude/habit/action that they might not realize pulls them down and stops them from getting what THEY DESERVE! You see, you might deserve it, but you might be doing something wrong that makes it stay away/walk away from you be it a job, a guy, a friend, a promotion. Whatever IT is.

    YOU are right because he was pointing at you and your readers in the first message that he sent. Or at least his tone strongly suggests it. That's the way I see it anyway. He criticizes your friends for being supportive and not pointing out your mistakes. Perhaps he has seen something that he thinks should be obvious to the people suurrounding you that is the cause of his troubles (or so HE thinks, not saying there is). And he criticizes you for taking that support without questioning it. His fault was that he completely backed off once you questioned him, out of fear/ because he couldn't be bothered, I don't know.
    But I believe that once your tone suggests something you either explain why it is so, or what you actually meant that wasn't understood the first time. You don't dance around the question, and you don't offer excuses. That's just wrong.

    And yes, men tend to be fixers. You complain...they immediatley stand up to offer solutions (90% of which is NOT practical and unusable), but they cannot sit around and just LISTEN. I think it's something in the genes.
    Women tend to be emotional supporters. We love being loyal to our friends and believe criticizing them would hurt them, which is something we do not want to do because we beleive that's the last thing they need at that moment. first resposne was a rambling one but I hope it made sense.

    Oh and yes...You write incredibly well :)

  9. I would tend to agree with Pete. I think what he was trying to say is that as a society we are placated into thinking that being average is enough; just getting by is still getting by. However, everyone has potential to be better. Everyone has a talent; it’s just a matter of finding that talent and believing in it.

    Consolatory comments are great for making someone feel better about themselves, and everyone needs to hear them once in a while. But we also need to hear the truth every now and then in order to change and grow. That doesn’t mean someone should tell you that you look fat or that a guy breaking up with you is strictly your fault. But a true friend not only listens to you, they hear you and help you to hear yourself. It’s the same as going to a psychologist; they don’t tell you what to do, but help you realize what you need to do by leading you down a path.

  10. Oh Mr Pete, you make my hurt.

    All the comments above me have hit the nail on the head.

    You're both right for different reasons. To say that its not about you nor your readers, BULLSHIT.

    Anyone who has that much energy to try and bring you down, doesnt deserve you. You DO deserve better.

    Why do you continue to talk to him if he only seems to piss you off?

    It's your blog. Your life, your readers. Never feel that you must explain/censor your feelings or defend them.

    If Mr. Pete wishes to write about things that are not about you or your readers comments, he can start his own blog.

    I'm sure us readers will gladly read it, and comment. Although at this point I don't believe he'll recieve the warmth of the blogging community and "you deserve better" comments.

    ~Being Samiantha

  11. OK. In some ways...there is a comfort in "accepting one's own mediocrity". It's a nice way to assure you will live life peacefully.

    But I think life is about trying, at least somewhat, to strive against that. To be great in your own way, whatever that is. But to accept mediocrity is to give up, to decide that you CAN'T don't those arguments kind of counteract each other? If Pete thinks we should strive to improve, then when do we have time to accept mediocrity? I think there's a difference between accepting mediocrity (which sounds to me like giving up, as I said) and realizing there's room to improve. And I do think pats on the back may be detrimental if that's all they are, but combined with encouragement to try again, to keep going, to fight against mediocrity, they are quite useful.

    I do as well get a bit tired of the "generalizations" but "it's not you, it's not you..." Striving to improve is a personal quest, and in a way I think it's OK to tell people they're perfect the way they are. Because to someone, they are; they are (im)perfect the way they are, like all of us (and I mean ALL of us). The trick is finding that person. There's enough happiness out there to go around and I seem to remember reading somewhere that we have a right to pursue it. I choose to pursue happiness, despite my mediocrity; and I refuse to let my happiness be mediocre.

    This answer is very rambly and I'm sure certain people could pick it apart. But you asked for a comment and that's what you get :)

  12. "I would agree with your assessment that when we say 'you deserve better', we mean as human beings we deserve to be treated with respect and decency."


    Personally, I don't really believe that there are many people who are truly mediocre. Most people are better than average at some things, and I don't think negative traits cancel out a person's positive qualities.

    I choose to focus on the good parts of people when I can, because I enjoy life more when I'm optimistic about it. You may feel differently, Pete, but that doesn't necessarily make me wrong.

    And besides, I know one side of Rachel from reading her blog. I enjoy that side of Rachel immensely, but I would never presume to think that gave me the right or the expertise to comment on how she should live her life or what she should change about herself. Just because I'm on the internet doesn't mean I have to act like an asshole.

  13. He's a passive-aggressive shit. He is arguing with his own thoughts. Who cares? Anyone deserves better than that.

    (And, uhm, you don't look fat, exactly, but you need to give up bourbon, cigarettes, slow-witted men, and cold-weather climates with deer who make babies in your yard in public and gross everyone out with their animal-like sexuality and stuff.)


  14. That son of a bitch.

    Lol, just kidding, I don't give a shit. How bout you people stop arguing over semantics and get on with your lives and start making some terrible and awesome decisions. Fuck each other already! Touch each other's privates just once! We're all drowning in the water and you guys are trying to describe the water, and arguing over it! But for the record, though it does not matter, both sides think they are just so fucking clever, when really, both of you are just being petty schoolchildren with your "No, I didn't say that. When did I fucking say that? You said that. Well don't you look foolish." Arguing over the definitions of words and clarifying things that don't need clarifying and all that beautiful passive-aggression. A+ on that one! This hilarious conversation should have ended a long time ago. And this is why I only use hookers. Also, deaf girls seem wonderful. You need only know basic sign language, and that just simplifies everything and keeps things beautiful and simple. Try a deaf dating site! Cross "Fuck a deaf chick" off your bucket list! You only live once! Judge if you want, fuckers, but at least I don't have to argue over the definition of "generalization". In general, people like you make me want to open a vein. Is that a generalization? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

    tl;dr - Semantics. Who gives a shit.


  15. But for the record, you deserve what you can get. Or, just hang around that nightclub, tell yourself you're just there to dance and be with your gals, and hope prince charming comes by and asks you to dance, whereby you will strike him down out of pressure of betraying ladies' night and looking like a desperate slut and end up alone eating yogurt. Just tell yourself you deserve better and do nothing. Maybe hang around the produce section and hope some man buying organic fruits might strike up a conversation with you and you'll end up happily ever after. You goddamn women don't know what the fuck you want and what you think you do want isn't what you actually want or just isn't real. And there's the other end of the spectrum, the women who marry pussies for the comfort and security of you. You people sicken me so much more deeply. I don't want much. A girl who'll fuck me regularly and not talk so much. But you women and your hilarious standards, you will never be happy. Living lives of quiet desperation and the romance novels and all the bullshit inbetween. You deserve what you can get. Oh, but it's not your fault you're alone, right? Why should you have to try harder? Aren't you entitled to it? Wake up. The world doesn't care. It's not that difficult. Change yourself if need be and live in reality.

    PS - I have decided to go with Jenna Haze.


  16. Amen JackC. It's the closest anyone here has gotten to the truth, and does he have a website for Deaf chick dating? And yes Jenna Haze is an excellent choice.

    by the way? what's with the new found censorship?

  17. Are you talking to me or to JackC? What censorship?

  18. both. wasn't there a bit of comment moderation here for awhile? or are the drugs starting to take there toll.

  19. Comment moderation: yes. Censorship: hardly. (I was getting too much spam on older entries.)

  20. Haha! I find it amusing to read about myself from the perspective of one of your readers on your blog. Very amusing indeed. Thanks Nikita!

    People have SOOOO much to say about this!! But you know what I say? Once you get hate mail, that means you've made it. If there are people out there riled up enough to write you a three paragraph response on why your wrong then you've achieved what all writers aspire too. Congratulations my dear.

    As for Poor ol Pete? He sounds basically like a douchey child and whether or not he's wrong his work wasn't really good enough to make "guest post".

    Also? I love EVERYTHING about that photo. Reminds me of a lot of work I've seen lately, even if that's not how you meant it!

  21. To be fair, I think we readers have criticized you in the past. I think many of us felt that the married guy was an a** and wasting your time. We wrote comments describing that phenomenon in a very nice manner, but the overall message was to stop interacting with him (now that he has revealed his true character we don't have to state it as nicely).

    I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't feel comfortable giving you employment advice because I don't really know what your dream job is, and the economy really sucks so a lot of people are stuck working in jobs that aren't ideal now.

    And if the passive-aggressive douchebag can come up with any specific suggestions for you, I'd be happy to hear them.

  22. Well this is just downright hilarious, mostly because I mean...well? The person who's right is Jack. It's offensive and sad, but the closest to raw truth out of everything else.

  23. Although, I feel his comment stemmed from failing to meet up to the standards of women his entire life.

    Rach, you're good at sparking controversy, apparently.

  24. is it me or did a post disappear? i have a feeling certain people were not thrilled with the way they were portrayed in said post. have some backbone here Rach, fuck 'em if they don't like the truth. Where's JackC when you need him.