Monday, February 1, 2010

Why laughter is the best medicine (unless you have an actual disease, in which case I recommend you take real medicine)

It must be January, I was going to say. Except that, whoops, it's February, all of a sudden. Shorter than January, and that much closer to spring, but then you have Valentine's Day to deal with, so it's sort of a draw. The winter doldrums have settled in with a vengeance here, in case you haven't been able to tell, and I've been feeling particularly uninspired, unmotivated, and just plain glum. It was negative four degrees when I left for work on Saturday morning, and that was without wind chill. Negative four degrees. Fahrenheit. You know what happens at negative four degrees Fahrenheit? The snot freezes in your nose. You breathe in and it sort of...crackles. Have you ever felt negative four degrees? Do you know what I'm talking about, with the crispy nose phenomenon? Because my roommate had no idea, so maybe I'm just gross. Mucous membranes aside, winter has always been my least favorite time of year, and this year is no exception. But is there a solution? Is there a way to shake off the glums?

"Damn woman, go have fun and laugh so friggin hard that your eyes water and you chops hurt," said a particularly wise commenter on my last blog post. Lately fun has been of limited quantity around here, and laughter even more so, particularly the eye-watering variety, but yes, yes, actually, that is just what I need! And this is where I implore your help, Internet. Internet, I want you to make me laugh. No, I need you to make me laugh! No, wait, the first one. In this time of economic recession and partisan politics and national disasters, when there is so much to worry about and stress over, sometimes you just need to sit down and have a good laugh, however you can get it. (Though I don't so much recommend the laughter yoga, which my teacher decided to ambush us with at the beginning of our normal, non-laughter yoga class, and, just no. I don't care how much you keep telling us to belly laugh, you are never getting more than a nervous, you-people-are-crazy chuckle out of me.) So! Internet, I ask you, I implore you, I beg you to make me laugh. And, just because I'm a giving sort of person, I'm going to throw in this $15 iTunes gift card to sweeten the deal. Now, I'm warning you, I haven't entirely thought this through. For example, I was thinking that I would give the card to the first person who makes me laugh out loud. But I might give it to the person who makes me laugh the hardest. But maybe I should give it to the person who makes me laugh the longest. Or, should I give it to the person who makes me inadvertently snort like a pig? Or to the person who makes me spew my beverage onto my keyboard? (Although, please warn me if your material is beverage-spittingly funny, as I don't really have the funds for laptop replacement right now, and fried circuit boards don't really put me in a giving mood.)

Here's what I want you to do: leave me a comment, and try to make me laugh. Tell your favorite joke. Tell a funny anecdote that happened to you. Or to your friend's boss's neighbor, and then pretend that it happened to you. Stealing is totally encouraged here. Leave a link to a hilarious video clip, tv weatherman bloopers, or a picture of a cat riding an invisible bike, pushing an invisible shopping cart, or performing an invisible slam dunk. Bring on the hilarity, Internet. Bring. It. On.

Just so you know what to aim for, this makes me chuckle:

this makes me hoot:

and this makes me positively howl with laughter:

So, let's get started! Let's have this be a veritable repository of tear-inducing, beverage-spitting, pee-your-pants brand hilarity. (And, wow, I never realized before just how many fluids are involved as by-products of the comic arts.) ((There is a joke in there somewhere, but I leave it to someone funnier than I to find it.)) The contest will end at 11:59 p.m. EST on Wed. February 3. Let the pants-wetting begin! (Wait, did that come out wrong? Um, go!)


  1. I give you . . . Girls Night Out!

    Enjoy :)

  2. Okay these two make me laugh every time. Seriously, EVERY TIME.


  3. i guess it's only funny if you like jersey shore, but this made me laugh out loud...

  4. This is hilarious!

    Oh wait, I mistaked hilarious for realistic and soul-killing! Let's try that again!

    I'm not good at this.

    I am so, so, alone.

  5. My mom sent an e-mail of the national pun contest (or as we like to call them professional punishers)...

    I give you my favourites:

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"


    A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

  6. This is just awesomely hysterically funny. Maybe I'm just sad.

  7. It may be a short clip but I think it's at least worthy of a small guffaw!

  8. I am a lover of all animals great and small and when my cat cornered a small frog in my entryway, I sprang to the rescue. I tossed Petey off the frog, ran to get paper towels, came back and tossed Petey off the frog again, gently picked him up, opened my front door and stepped onto my front porch where I lovingly placed the frog on the porch, gave him a little heart massage to make sure he was breathing and watched him hop merrily on his way. I then stood up and realized I was completely naked! On my front porch. Naked. True story.

  9. Why did the blonde get super excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only 11 months?

    Because the box said "from two to four years."


    Guy opens a new bookstore and throws an in-store party to celebrate. He gets a bouquet of flowers with a card that says "Rest in Peace, Old Friend."

    What the hell is this, he thinks. He calls the florist and says he is really insulted by the card.

    Florist says, "Hey, that's not so bad. Somewhere there is a family at a funeral home with a floral arrangement that says 'Congratulations on your new location.'"



  10. There's a man with 4 boys, 3 with dark hair and dark eyes and the youngest with blonde hair and blue eyes, on his death bed he looks at his wife and asks, sweetheart is the last one really mine? she looks lovingly at her husband, kisses his forehead and says, yes dear he's really yours. The man then dies and the wife turns to the nurse and says, shit thank god he didn't ask about the other three.

  11. Okay, so it's some Katie Micucci goodness:

    Laughed OUT LOUD so hard. "There will be cold cuts. For sandwiches."

    Best I got...

  12. Oh my god, I swear if one more blogger embeds that damn Foux de fafa video, I am going to shoot myself. Seriously Internets, what's up with the constant reminder of my ex??

    (And now I am going to go look at the links everyone else posted, because franchement, I could use a laugh).

  13. In need of a laugh the other day I found this gem:

  14. I forgot to mention, if you sign in anonymously and you want to be eligible for the prize, make sure you leave your name or some kind of identifying information! Thanks!

  15. This site made my boyfriend laugh until he was crying. I've never seen him laugh so hard. I didn't have the same effect on me, but it might hit you just right:

    Also, this video really cracks me up. It talks about how to put on make up like a whore.


  16. Not that I expect to win, but I am anon @6:30.


    Completely, totally infectious.

  18. Here we go...again!!

    Remember...the face.

  19. I'm glad you got that, and I hope some of these jokes make you wet your knickers tonight.

    Seriously, since I inspired this thing, kind of, can I get that iTunes card?

    I just got off work (warehouse, lifting kind of stuff), but here you are:


  20. Well i definitely needed a laugh.

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