It must be January, I was going to say. Except that, whoops, it's February, all of a sudden. Shorter than January, and that much closer to spring, but then you have Valentine's Day to deal with, so it's sort of a draw. The winter doldrums have settled in with a vengeance here, in case you haven't been able to tell, and I've been feeling particularly uninspired, unmotivated, and just plain glum. It was negative four degrees when I left for work on Saturday morning, and that was without wind chill. Negative four degrees. Fahrenheit. You know what happens at negative four degrees Fahrenheit? The snot freezes in your nose. You breathe in and it sort of...crackles. Have you ever felt negative four degrees? Do you know what I'm talking about, with the crispy nose phenomenon? Because my roommate had no idea, so maybe I'm just gross. Mucous membranes aside, winter has always been my least favorite time of year, and this year is no exception. But is there a solution? Is there a way to shake off the glums?
"Damn woman, go have fun and laugh so friggin hard that your eyes water and you chops hurt," said a particularly wise commenter on my last blog post. Lately fun has been of limited quantity around here, and laughter even more so, particularly the eye-watering variety, but yes, yes, actually, that is just what I need! And this is where I implore your help, Internet. Internet, I want you to make me laugh. No, I need you to make me laugh! No, wait, the first one. In this time of economic recession and partisan politics and national disasters, when there is so much to worry about and stress over, sometimes you just need to sit down and have a good laugh, however you can get it. (Though I don't so much recommend the laughter yoga, which my teacher decided to ambush us with at the beginning of our normal, non-laughter yoga class, and, just no. I don't care how much you keep telling us to belly laugh, you are never getting more than a nervous, you-people-are-crazy chuckle out of me.) So! Internet, I ask you, I implore you, I beg you to make me laugh. And, just because I'm a giving sort of person, I'm going to throw in this $15 iTunes gift card to sweeten the deal. Now, I'm warning you, I haven't entirely thought this through. For example, I was thinking that I would give the card to the first person who makes me laugh out loud. But I might give it to the person who makes me laugh the hardest. But maybe I should give it to the person who makes me laugh the longest. Or, should I give it to the person who makes me inadvertently snort like a pig? Or to the person who makes me spew my beverage onto my keyboard? (Although, please warn me if your material is beverage-spittingly funny, as I don't really have the funds for laptop replacement right now, and fried circuit boards don't really put me in a giving mood.)
Here's what I want you to do: leave me a comment, and try to make me laugh. Tell your favorite joke. Tell a funny anecdote that happened to you. Or to your friend's boss's neighbor, and then pretend that it happened to you. Stealing is totally encouraged here. Leave a link to a hilarious video clip, tv weatherman bloopers, or a picture of a cat riding an invisible bike, pushing an invisible shopping cart, or performing an invisible slam dunk. Bring on the hilarity, Internet. Bring. It. On.
Just so you know what to aim for, this makes me chuckle:
this makes me hoot:
and this makes me positively howl with laughter:
So, let's get started! Let's have this be a veritable repository of tear-inducing, beverage-spitting, pee-your-pants brand hilarity. (And, wow, I never realized before just how many fluids are involved as by-products of the comic arts.) ((There is a joke in there somewhere, but I leave it to someone funnier than I to find it.)) The contest will end at 11:59 p.m. EST on Wed. February 3. Let the pants-wetting begin! (Wait, did that come out wrong? Um, go!)