Monday, December 7, 2009

Why I am not used to this

On our third date he gave me a mix cd. On our fourth date he brought me chocolate and gave me not one, but two (TWO!) back massages. We hung out at my house and listened to music. We went out for sandwiches and then came back. We kissed, we cuddled, we watched Spinal Tap. In other words, it was pretty much the perfect day. It is weird to have found someone this good. My carefully constructed defenses are breaking down bit by bit, but still, it is weird. I am not used to this.

I am used to oafish, selfish, hot and then cold. Guys that are aggr
essive, or stingy, or pathological liars. I am not used to presents, compliments, and back massages, and honestly, my first instinct is to brush them off, to brush him off. What Groucho Marx said about not wanting to belong to a club that would have him as a member- I get that. Completely. If he likes me this much, clearly there must be something wrong with him. My first instinct is to search out the flaws and magnify them. "Oh, he's a right-leaning independent." "Oh, he misspelled 'you're.'" But these are not reasons, these are excuses. These are my walls, my defense mechanisms. But when these are the worst flaws I have been able to find, then clearly the problem isn't with him.

He's a clown. He makes me laugh. You know how in high school sometimes they have those Mr. (X) High School contests? He was Mr. High School (or as I like to call him, my little pageant winner). In college he was the only white guy on the step team. I thought this was so awesome that I asked him to show me his step moves out on the driveway, and he was kind enough to grudgingly (oh so grudgingly!) comply. In short, he's funny, he's nice, and he's just plain likeable. I am not used to this. But I am getting there.

He still hasn't let up with the questions. I've gotten used to the non-sequiturs, but every once in a while he will still surprise me. The other day he called me a couple hours before he came over. "How do you feel about peanut butter?" he asked.

"Really?" I asked. "You had to call me just to ask me this? I'm trying to get out the door for a job interview, and you want to know my opinion on the topic of peanut butter? I mean, this couldn't have waited? Well, fine, I guess. Yeah, I like peanut butter, is that what you needed to know?"

Two hours later he showed up at my door with chocolates. They were filled with- you guessed it- peanut butter.

I am officially an ass. He, for some reason, doesn't seem to mind. Which makes him, sort of, a little, dare I say perfect? I dare not. But it does make him really, amazingly, overwhelmingly good.

I am so not used to this. But I am getting there.


  1. Wow, this sounds pretty great. Plus he's hot and he can dance??

    Is he from Chicago? I didn't think stepping was popular anywhere else.

    Also, as someone who has done online dating to someone who is considering it...why did you go with okcupid? Is it free? Everyone has been telling me to try Have you tried that?

  2. Jessica- Nope, he's not from Chicago. We have stepping on the East coast too, though I don't know if I could call it "popular."

    I went with Okcupid this time because it's free and pretty fun. I've done Match before too, though, and it's fine. If you've never done it before I say start with the free one, and then if you feel like you're not meeting enough guys you could think about joining Match too. It is all just a numbers game, after all. (Just don't do eHarmony though, it's the worst!)

  3. Rachel, he sounds fabulous. I understand the defence mechanisms though (and in New Zealand we spell defence like that!!). Yes, I so understand the running hot then cold. I sort of lie in waiting for the cold to arrive. But you know, I think you can probably relax now and enjoy this fine young man! You go girl!

  4. Oh my... Yes, Rachel, I do want to kiss him ;)

  5. He does have a lovely mouth, I agree. And he seems to adore you - BIG plus! But more importantly, do you feel the same about him? If you truly do, then, like Alison says, maybe it's time to relax and go with it.

  6. Awww! I am coming out of lurkdom to say that I strongly strongly approve of this budding relationship. If this was facebook, and if there was a "strongly like" button, I would click it over and over! How great that you have met someone so wonderful and so nice!!!!

    I totally know what you mean with regards to the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" sort of thing. After dating loads of losers, guys who hot/cold/up/down/etc like you describe, I have finally met someone who is simply amazing and just so darn cute that I feel myself get all goopy and melty when I even think about him.

    But can I thoroughly and wholeheartedly enjoy him? A few weeks ago, cuz of all of this baggage, I was only at about 60% "feeling it". He's too tall and skinny, I said. Then, it was, we're too different. Then the whole, well, he's only in HK for work until the end of February so I don't wanna get too attached, he's too goofy, too affectionate in public, and too "nice". And he already wants to plan a vacation with me?!? What's wrong with this guy?!?!

    But as you said, these are all defense mechanisms that us ladies build up, that I have built up because I am used to being cynical. Defense mechanisms that are breaking down as the days pass. So now, I'm like 90% "feeling it" and it's steadily increasing... And will enjoy being with him for as long as it lasts, though at this point I'm really hoping that it'll be past February!

    So enjoy! Sometimes stuff like this is rare. Ride the wave and see what happens and I will anxiously be checking your blog for updates :-)

  7. And, oh, we did end up booking for the tickets for a romantic weekend getaway in a month. Walls are definitely crumbling. Turning to dust. ;-)

  8. I'm so happy for you! You really deserve a great relationship!

  9. This sounds fantastic and oh so familiar for me at the moment. Does he know you're blogging about your budding romance? Mine has so far stayed well away from my blog.

  10. I can understand the worrying he's too good to be true. After all before my husband I dated a guy who at the same time was dating a girl back home....oh, and we were driving him back and forth to one another! I also dated the guy who about a month and a half in lets me know he's still married. Yeah.

    He will be flawed. Over time you will discover that there are things he does or doesn't do that drive you nuts. It's all about figuring out whether they're deal breakers or not. I hope he turns out to be better than expected....I mean, the peanut butter thing was thoughtful and adorable. And he does look cute!

  11. I love this! I love HIM! Errr, I mean, he sounds great!!! For YOU, I mean!

    Seriously, he sounds (and looks) terrific... and perfect for you.


  12. I'll add the same as pretty much everyone else says--yay! Just keep breathing and saying thank you and trusting he is what he is--cute, funny, lovely, kissable and obviously very interested in you! Obviously one of his other positive attributes is he has good taste. :)

  13. I retract my previous comment on your last post.

    He does sound sweet. And the fact he doesnt get bothered by you being an ass (which we've all done) says to me he has a whole lot of patience or simply isn't phased by it.

    Good luck, keep up posted.

    p.s. he does have nice lips.

    ~Being Samiantha

  14. Melt. You have just made my day. Happy for you!

  15. Isn't the best feeling when you've found one of the good ones?!

  16. Ok, first off, its the hat, then its the sideburns, then its the tshirt over a long sleeve shirt, and what about the je ne sais quois look, like he's either about to smile, or maybe cry. Rachel I am so super excited, and I know I don't want to jinx this for you, but seriously....he's adorable.

  17. ok, now both of you guys come to nyc so i can see this guy in person! everything sounds awesome! was the mix cd good?

  18. yeah... was the mix any good? share the list of songs with us :)

  19. Not sure Groucho ever said that. Here is the contemporary source:

    "There's an old joke ... um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know; and such small portions.' Well, that's essentially how I feel about life--full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The, the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's 'Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious, and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, 'I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.' That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women."

    Woody Allen, "Annie Hall" (1977)

  20. I knew a guy who never took his hat off because he was bald. If only bald guys would realize they look better bald, then suddenly revealed as bald. I was in shock when I saw him without his hat on and I wasn't fast enough to hide the shock: so embarrassing. I just completely didn't recognize him.

    An aside: why do you initially find his behavior annoying and then cross that out and go with it? Is it his lips?