The results are in on my last post, the commenters have spoken, and who knew that my readers are such wide-eyed romantics? So impulsive, so care-free, so, so...wildly impractical and unrealistic?
Stay! Stay, you say. Oh! Well, if only I had thought of that! But seriously, please believe me when I say that I've explored this one from all angles, and while it's not without a little bit of heartache, going back to the States is the only option that really makes sense. I mean, living here illegally while working part-time for an under-the-table ten euros an hour and no health insurance is all well and good for a few months, but I really (really, really) don't want to baby-sit for the rest of my life. Or even for the rest of the month, ideally, but I made a promise to stick it out through the month of June and that's what I'm going to do. And let me just cut you off here before you start suggesting I find a "real" job here: if you've never before explored the possibility of working in a foreign country then I can't really go into all the ins and outs of it right now other than to say that it is a difficult bordering on impossible endeavor. Apparently mastery of two languages and a can-do attitude aren't enough to get by here. Apparently you have to also have things like "working papers," a "visa," and "EU citizenship." (So I can't even hope to get a job as an English teacher here, while an English person can get any job they please. So. Not. Fair.)
Not that things on the home front are looking any better. Over the last few weeks I have sent out, at last count, fourteen resume/cover letter combos. So far I have heard back from...no one. Ok, that's not strictly true. I did receive two responses. The first one said:
Thank you for the interest you have expressed in employment opportunities at [Unnamed International Translations Company That Apparently I Am Not Qualified For and Have No Business Applying To]. Your qualifications have been carefully reviewed. However, at the present time no position is available that would utilize your skills and experience. Please be assured that your records will be retained, and you will be contacted in the event our employment needs change.
The second response said:
Thank you for your interest in [Unnamed Private Academy Offering Only a Part-Time Job With No Benefits]. We have received a very strong response to our advertising efforts, therefore, it is taking longer than expected to carefully review and consider qualified candidates. Due to the volume, you will only hear from us again if we are interested in speaking with you regarding your relevant experience.
Yes, this sounds promising. I definitely expect to hear back from Unnamed Private Academy Offering Only a Part-Time Job With No Benefits soon. Any day now...
And keep in mind that this overwhelming response to my unique "skills and experience" is in the U.S., which may I remind you is the only country where I am legally allowed to work. Imagine then trying to find a job in France, where I am not. But seriously, you would think a bilingual girl with teaching experience and a Master's degree in French literature would be more in demand, wouldn't you? I mean, wouldn't you?
But yes, I am speaking of practicalities again, and who wants to hear about practicalities when there is a French boyfriend on the line? Yes, I get it. You guys are suckers for a love story, particularly of the Parisian variety. Stay! you say. Long-distance relationship! others of you say, which is very romantic of you, but otherwise a terrible idea all-around. To put it bluntly, at this point, with all the impossibilities of getting a job I've already mentioned, were I to somehow find a way to stay, I would be doing it only for him, which I just cannot allow myself to do. And whether that's due more to some hard-won and long overdue I am a strong woman and I am the most important person in my life attitude, or the fact that he is just not someone I can see myself staying for, I don't know, but it's most likely some hybrid of the two. Not that he has even asked me to stay, mind you, which he hasn't ever once, and wouldn't, and will not ever do. The necessity of my leaving is pretty much a mutual understanding, at this point, which doesn't make it any less heartachey, but there it is. We'll kiss, we'll be sad, and we'll move on. Maybe it sounds callous, or maybe it's that after going through the most painful (although necessary) break-up imaginable, with a man I was still very much (and maybe still am?) in love with, in comparison everything else just seems...not that bad.
Moving back into my parents' house, however? Now that is something to cry about. Seriously, people, I might not make it. You know how little kids threaten to run away, and pack their suitcase and roll off into the sunset and then come home a couple hours later when they get hungry? Yeah, that's going to be me. A twenty-nine year-old pretend runaway with nowhere else to go. Sigh. Hey, I wonder if I can get internet in a tent out in the backyard? I'm going to start stocking up on bug spray and flashlight batteries, just in case. Next up on Diary of Why: Why I've reverted to spooky stories, shadow puppets, and MASH- in which I gossip about boys, eat too much candy and get really hyper, and stay up way past my bedtime. Take that, parents!