Monday, December 22, 2008

Why all I want for Christmas is not to be someone's back-up plan

Internet, I feel I'm usually a pretty intuitive person when it comes to men. When I meet a guy and then he asks me out again I think, Hey, maybe he's into me. And when I never hear from him again I think, Aha, not interested. (Yes, I know my powers of perception are astounding). But every once in a while a guy comes along who doesn't fall into either category, and frankly, I'm left scratching my head. Please follow along with me as I present this brief timeline:

November 8: Go on first date with Emmanuel. A reasonably good time is assumed to be had by all.

November 9: Receive Okcupid message from E stating his sincere wishes for my safe return the night before, and giving me his actual, non-Okcupid e-mail address for future correspondence. He closes with his vague intention to attend a movie with me "one of these days."

November 10: Reply to his e-mail indicating that I had a very pleasant time on our date and would be more than happy to attend a movie with him in the near future, and to let me know when would be best for him.

November 12: E replies that we will keep each other updated in order to hopefully go see a movie the next week. Given that he sends the e-mail on a Wednesday, his wording of "next week" leads me to suspect we may have a non-date on our hands.

November 15: I politely reply affirming my continued desire to see a movie together, and once more to let me know when would be convenient for him. I close with my sincere wishes for him to pass a relaxing weekend, as he is obviously very busy at the moment.

Two weeks later...

November 29: E replies indicating that he was out of town the last weekend, and actually the weekends before that too, and he has a lot of work this week. But he still hopes we can get together to see a movie! I click my heels in the air in glee and start planning my date outfit. And by that I mean wait three days to send him a two sentence reply.

December 2: I reply that I as well was out of town the last weekend, and that maybe when he has some time we can get together.

And then, just when I think I've heard the last of him...17 days later...!

December 19: E-mail from E telling me about a website that he says is like the "French Craigslist;" this after I complained about the lack of used home furnishings available in France on our date. (Our date that took place six weeks ago. And counting...) He ends with his wish to see me "soon" for a movie or a drink.

Internet, tell me...I often read too much into things when it comes to guys. Is it possible I'm reading too little into this?

On another note, this may be the last you will hear of me for a little while, as between the 23rd of December and the 5th of January I will be traveling, celebrating, drinking, meeting fellow ex-pat bloggers, and having a riotous time with Canaan, Talia, and Elizabeth when they come to save me from being sad and alone in (the suburbs of) Paris during this holiday season. Saints, all of them, and the Evolving Revolver, too, for hosting a Christmas night party and sleepover for all of us not-quite-orphaned-but-it-feels-like-it souls stuck here on the other side of the Atlantic this Christmas. I'm already humming There's No Place Like Paris for the Holidays...

Cheers everyone, and here's wishing all of you a Merry Christmas (or not, as you prefer) and a Happy New Year!


  1. i had the same thing with this polish guy- and its just plan annoying. i calculated it out and would have been nearing 49 by the time we had our 7th date. maybe they are just juggling too many girls? or they are traveling the speed of light so time is actually moving slower for them? or they are just retarded.

  2. Have a wonderful getaway. Happy New Year!

  3. I always work on the thought that if I have to work THAT hard for a second date he's not worth it. If he's into you he will make time for you. If he's into and he's dicking around like that then he's an idiot. Either way you're better of moving on to the next candidate. I think, anyway. :)

  4. would it be possible just to email and say: i'm free on this day and at this time, wanna come? forward, i know; but you force his hand that way... if he's into you, he'll say yes; if he's not, he'll find some lame excuse and at least you'll know what's happening instead of spending more time exchanging "let me know" emails. inexpert advice.. beats me. have a great time with tal and the other chicas. when are you going to spain? oh, i have molly's mom stories that involve you.. besos, mol

  5. I'm not sure what to read into this. Either he's wishy-washy or he's not interested but thinks it would break your heart if he just cut off contact entirely or he's interested but petrified of rejection. I guess the question for you becomes whether or not you are interested in pursuing this and dealing with whichever of the three it turns out to be. If you are interested, I think the ball's in your court to suggest a specific day and time and then see what happens.

    Maybe he was playing some sort of weird game where he wanted to be as noncommittal as you, so when he said "next week" and you said "sure" instead of "OK, how about Tuesday," he decided to play it cool. Or maybe he's just weird.

  6. Sounds like he's "backburner-ing" you. Keeping you on the line just enough for if/when whatever girl he is really dating now falls through, he has a backup. Don't put up with it. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy but just nowhere near available. Blow him off. If he's really interested he'll come back, hat in hand, when he is actually free to give you a fair chance.