Why I used to think falling off the wagon was a metaphorical expression
If stumbling-down drunks can teach us anything, it's perhaps that you should never, under any circumstances fall down an up escalator. Fall down a down escalator if you must, as eventually your body will land in a sad and crumpled heap at the bottom, but unfortunately this is not the case with an up escalator. Fall down an up escalator and your body will tumble down, yes, only to be carried up again, until you try to right yourself and fall again, eventually achieving the perfect ratio of upward and downward propulsion so that essentially you are tumbling head over heels over and over again, and yet you will remain in exactly the same place. It's a freakish trompe l'oeil that seemingly defies the laws of gravity and will cause mothers to clap their hands over their children's eyes in horror. (Someone did eventually come to the stumbling-down drunk man's aid, helping him up the escalator to, I don't know, pass out on a bench somewhere).
Actually, a better lesson here is that if you are so stumbling-down drunk that you are unable to remain upright under your own volition, maybe you should consider taking the elevator. (I'm just saying).
(Today's post brought to you by your favorite jaded and stone-hearted diarist, who was actually quite traumatized by the ordeal).