Friday, April 11, 2008

Why there's a boulder on my shoulder and I'm feelin' kinda older and I tripped the merry-go-round

"I can't believe this is the first time you've done this," he kept saying.

"Yeah, well..." I chuckled nervously. "Will it hurt?"

"It'll sting a bit going in," he answered. Then he looked deep, deep into my eyes. "Very nice," he murmured.

Looking back into his eyes in the darkened room, I felt a warm flush spread from my head to my toes, and I started to sweat. My stomach flipped and felt queasy, and then I swooned...

The light flipped quickly on, and the next thing I knew the room was swarming with doctors in white coats, my feet propped up, cool towels on my pulse points, and a plastic cup of water placed into my trembling hands.

So, I went to the eye doctor today, and in the continuing tradition of having odd reactions to common medical procedures, I fainted during the eye exam. Or, rather, I almost fainted, but that doesn't sound nearly as exciting, does it? Apparently it's quite common, as people have varying reactions to the drops used to dilate the pupil. Which was of small consolation to me as stars blurred out my vision and I contemplated whether or not I was going to vomit all over the doctor's clean floor. (I didn't).

"It's ok," the doctor said. "We can finish this another time."

"No!" I said. "I'm never doing this again! Let's finish it now, I'm feeling better. Really."

And so finally, after much poking, prodding, and flipping inside out of eyelids (which almost made me vomit just thinking about, gah), he finished. Diagnosis- blepharitis. (Um, ew?)

Although I wasn't making that first part up. He really did take unusual interest in the fact that this was my first time at the eye doctor, and that he was the first person to ever see my retinas. He also seemed impressed by my extraordinary vision, but now I'm just showing off. Sorry. He was probably less impressed with the staph growing under my eyelids, though, so it all evens out. (Ick!)

I walked out of the office into the cloudy, overcast day, and flinched. Gah! So bright! Why is it so bright?! And of course I didn't have my sunglasses with me. I was noticeably the only person squinting and shading my eyes from the non-existent sun, and I walked down the street like that, squinting and scowling, and creeping people out with my freak alien eyes. (It's nearly impossible to squint without scowling, have you noticed? Try it sometime).

Then I arrived home, and my first thought, before food, before a nap, before I even checked my e-mail (and you know that's serious) was, I must document this! For the Internet, who have seen me in all my saddest states, lest they not believe the creepiness of my freak alien eyes, and would be inclined to underestimate the general patheticness of my current state of well-being. Well, doubt not, Internet.

I came home, and this is what my eyes looked like!:


Just kidding. This is what they looked like. And this is what I felt like:

Then I felt a little better:

And then I finally felt well enough to smile again:

And, well, that was my day. How was yours?

10 comments:

  1. Blepharitis? Well, that explains the dating drought. :)

    Glad you're feeling better.

    Cute pictures! The drought may soon be over!

    M.

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  2. You doubled my emotional range in those four pictures. Nice haircut!

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  3. i think i will bring my own pillowcase for your birthday weekend :) jk, hope you are feeling better- weird thing right after i broke up with bren i got a sty. but it went away.

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  4. I feel the need to mention after linking to that gross wikipedia article...I am not contagious nor oozing nor gross in any way! It's more of an annoyance than a serious medical issue. It just made my eyes sort of red all the time, so I kinda looked like I was perpetually stoned. Which is a great look at 8 a.m. in front of a class of freshman who you want to take you seriously!

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  5. Your first time at an eye doctor and he flips your eyelids inside out? Sounds rather peculiar to me.

    Cute pics Rachel.

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  6. I just wanted to let you know that I got the post title. Springsteen is great, isn't he? And his first album, the lyrics from which you get your blog title, is the best, IMHO.

    How he went from "Lost in the Flood" to "57 Channels and Nothin' On" is really beyond me.

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  7. I was going to say Manfred Mann, but according to the internet, we're both right.

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  8. Manfred Mann did a really, truly, agonizingly bad remake of Blinded By the Light.

    Must. Listen. To. Original. Version. Now.

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  9. "Ooohhh! Look at me! My vision is soooooooo great!" Yeah yeah, rub it in for those of us nearly blind. ;) I won't even begin to tell you the unsettling things doctors have done to my eyes over the years!

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