Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Why I only date guys with tan lines

Well, a couple more weeks have gone by, and he's back for more. After some of the comments people left about him on the last post, I think it's now fairly obvious that he's not in fact reading my blog. So if he's going to keep initiating inane g-chat conversations with me, then I'm darn well going to keep posting them. So, without further ado, I give you...Greg:

Gregory: hey ray, do you tan? i mean like, go to tanning beds? i want to know how you keep your tan.
me: how i keep it?
Gregory: yes. you have amazing skin
me: well, thanks. no tricks here. this is my winter white
Gregory: you're amazing! we'll have a contest to see who tans the most this summer. naturally of course.
me: oh yeah?
Gregory: yeah!
me: well you better get started.
Gregory: fine. i'm going outside right now. naked.
me: heh. better use sunscreen. so you don't damage...parts
Gregory: oh those parts are durable.

Can we keep in mind that I met this guy once, for two hours, over six weeks ago?

And if I have such a "lovely presence" and "amazing skin," then why wouldn't he have asked me out again? Not that I would go out with him again, at this point. I mean, durable parts? It would be like dating a used car salesman. Next he'll probably be talking lube jobs and rear end adjustments. No thank you.

Anyway, I hear skin cancer's a bitch, so I just hope his parts are under lifetime warranty. 'Cause no one wants to date damaged goods.

6 comments:

  1. And you said all the good men are taken! How do you do it? You know, finding them? :)

    M.

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  2. Wow. "Those parts are durable." Kind of gives me uncomfortable mental images involving Ford trucks or maybe Birkenstocks.

    On the other hand, Durable Parts could be a great band name.

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  3. Either this guy is an A1 creepola, or he's confusing you with a different beautiful, tan, writer named Rachel that he's actually been on many dates with...enough to feel secure about being a douche to over AIM.

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  4. i agree with georgia. this guy is weird!

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  5. Or perhaps he's just misunderstood?

    Or weird...Yeah, definitely weird.

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  6. nobody likes a burnt weenie. or the way this guy chats.

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