Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Why I only date guys with tan lines

Well, a couple more weeks have gone by, and he's back for more. After some of the comments people left about him on the last post, I think it's now fairly obvious that he's not in fact reading my blog. So if he's going to keep initiating inane g-chat conversations with me, then I'm darn well going to keep posting them. So, without further ado, I give you...Greg:

Gregory: hey ray, do you tan? i mean like, go to tanning beds? i want to know how you keep your tan.
me: how i keep it?
Gregory: yes. you have amazing skin
me: well, thanks. no tricks here. this is my winter white
Gregory: you're amazing! we'll have a contest to see who tans the most this summer. naturally of course.
me: oh yeah?
Gregory: yeah!
me: well you better get started.
Gregory: fine. i'm going outside right now. naked.
me: heh. better use sunscreen. so you don't damage...parts
Gregory: oh those parts are durable.

Can we keep in mind that I met this guy once, for two hours, over six weeks ago?

And if I have such a "lovely presence" and "amazing skin," then why wouldn't he have asked me out again? Not that I would go out with him again, at this point. I mean, durable parts? It would be like dating a used car salesman. Next he'll probably be talking lube jobs and rear end adjustments. No thank you.

Anyway, I hear skin cancer's a bitch, so I just hope his parts are under lifetime warranty. 'Cause no one wants to date damaged goods.


  1. And you said all the good men are taken! How do you do it? You know, finding them? :)


  2. Wow. "Those parts are durable." Kind of gives me uncomfortable mental images involving Ford trucks or maybe Birkenstocks.

    On the other hand, Durable Parts could be a great band name.

  3. Either this guy is an A1 creepola, or he's confusing you with a different beautiful, tan, writer named Rachel that he's actually been on many dates with...enough to feel secure about being a douche to over AIM.

  4. i agree with georgia. this guy is weird!

  5. Or perhaps he's just misunderstood?

    Or weird...Yeah, definitely weird.

  6. nobody likes a burnt weenie. or the way this guy chats.