We went to the Boston Wine Festival on a first date, which was already a bit intense. My internet sleuthing had turned up the fact that these tickets were worth $100 a pop. Sure, he got them as a present, but he wanted to use them with me, someone he had never met before? Also, we had planned this date out nine days in advance, which in the online dating world might as well be nine years. So I went into the evening already feeling a bit strange about the situation. Plus, any time wearing heels is required, I'm already out of my comfort zone. I like to keep things simple on a first date. A beer, or three, depending on how well things are going (or aren't, for that matter), or even, yes, a glass of wine in a quiet corner somewhere. Last night wasn't any of that. Last night was hundreds of Boston Brahmins circulating to the inoffensive tones of a jazz trio, all elbowing for dibs on the shrimp and lobster tails, and swirling, sniffing, sipping and spitting (sacrilege!)
After biding our time in the mob scene surrounding the table for at least ten minutes, we finally edged close enough to receive our first splash of wine. We dutifully sniffed and swirled thoughtfully. "Where do you shop?" the man with the wine bottle asked haughtily. Unsure exactly what he was asking, I looked at my date for help.
"Excuse me?" my date replied, apparently as confused as I.
"Where do you shop?" he enunciated.
"Oh, uh, nowhere in particular," my date replied as we made our hasty exit and started laughing. "What did he want me to say? New Hampshire liquor store?"
"Trader Joe's?" I giggled.
Fortified, we set off to re-enter the mêlée, waiting our turn patiently, offering our glasses before us in a supplicating gesture. Please sir, may I have some more?
"This was a nice gift for your parents to give you," I said.
"Yeah, they told me a couple months ago not to make any plans on my birthday this year."
"Wait...today's your birthday?"
"Oh, yeah. I didn't tell you?"
"No! Well...happy birthday?"
And now it's happened. My life has officially become a Seinfeld episode. Pretty soon I'll be wearing sneakers and tapered relaxed-fit jeans, collecting action figures and eating cereal for dinner, and before you know it I'm on the road to middle-aged bachelorhood. Oh god.