Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Why my internal alarm needs a tune-up

9:00 pm: Pop two Tylenol PM, knowing there's no way I will be able to convince my body to fall asleep of its own accord at 9:45, thus ensuring I will get 8 hours of precious beauty sleep before my 5:45 wakeup call in the morning.

9:30 pm: Get in bed, watch American Idol.

10:00 pm: Turn off t.v. and prepare to fall into delicious slumber.

10:30 pm: Am delightfully warm and sleepy, though not asleep. Soon, though, I am sure I will be dozing peacefully.

11:15 pm: My roommate comes home, and I hear her puttering about. The sound of water running and doors closing sets my nerves on edge. Why am I not asleep???

1:30 am: The delightfully warm sleepy feeling has long since dissolved. Now I just feel anxious and very much awake, like I've just downed a large cup of coffee. WTF, Tylenol PM???

6:50 am: I awake with a start from a dream. Wait, what time is it? Before even looking at the time I realize with a sick feeling that, dear lord, I forgot to set my alarm. And I need to be out the door in ten minutes. Holy shit.

Long story short, I did what I never would have believed possible, and what I hope to never do again: I got ready in ten minutes. And now I'm unshowered, unkempt, and stuck at school for the next 7 hours.

And already the semester is off to a smashing start.


  1. My darling,

    What you took is not a sleeping pill. It is nothing but acetaminophen, a mild pain reliever. The label of the product says that it should be used for"[t]emporary relief of occasional headaches and minor aches and pains with accompanying sleeplessness." The theory is, if a minor pain keeps you awake, the product will reduce the pain and let you sleep. It will not, however, put you to sleep.

    Of course watching American Idol causes enough pain to keep the dead awake. Talk about nasty habits. :)

    And even though Harvard Medical School hates to admit it, I could have been good enough to get in long enough to flunk out--

    Dr. M

  2. Correction, my dear M. It's acetaminophen AND diphenhydramine HCl, commonly used as an over-the-counter antihistamine, sedative and hypnotic. Although I am now doubtful of its usefulness as such.

  3. Thank you, doctor, for that lucid, well-reasoned rebuttal. It was hypnotic. I shall emend my PowerPoint presentation forthwith. Smell better soon! :)

  4. I swear by Tylenol PM to not only PUT me to sleep, but to KEEP me asleep. Even through my husband's snoring some of the time (hee haw!).

    I used it last night, as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, I felt groggy this morning because the dog woke me rather than me waking me.

    I'm sorry it didn't work for you last night. I hope that your filthy day is almost over and you can get some sleep (and a shower!) soon.

  5. I've had a couple mornings like that this week! Last week, my car had major repair work done to it after I broke down on the highway, my credit card number got stolen on the Internet, my rental car sucked, and I was cat-sitting for my parents' dying 14-year-old feline while they were out of town for ten days. And for some reason, I still can't un-clench my brain. Oh, and I'm stressing about my grad school application!

    Maybe it's time for me to start a blog too!!

    (See? I told you I'd post a comment.)

  6. Ok, yours wins. :) Although I'm not sure how applying to grad school is going to help any of that. But wow! What are you going back to school for?