Saturday, December 1, 2007

Why we will never again refer to the sheep incident

I'm trying to figure out a reason for the other day's rapid about-face, and how I was so easily talked out of my "let's be friends" proposition. What I've come up with is this: it's hard to argue with someone who thinks that nearly everything you say or do is charming in some way.

"What are those?" he asked.

"Oh, those are my flash cards," I said. "I study them on the bus."

"I like thinking about you on the bus, with your flash cards," he mused.

Then, later: "I can't stop thinking of that story you told," he said, "about when you were a little girl and the sheep kicked poop in your mouth. It's so endearing."

I mean, can I really turn down a guy who finds the fact that I once had sheep poop in my mouth endearing? He even thinks my moles are adorable. I keep looking for a loophole, or some kind of explanation for why he's trying so hard. As far as I know I'm not the heiress to a large fortune, so it can't be that. But what? What is it?


He played a game with me, where I answer a series of seemingly innoculous questions, and this is supposed to say something about me. Only I don't learn the supposed significance of the questions until after I've already incriminated myself given my answers.

But, here. Before I ruin it by giving away the trick, you try it. Write your answers down on a piece of paper so you don't lie and change your mind later when you figure out what you should have said.

1. Favorite animal
2. Second favorite animal
3. You're stranded on a desert island, and you can do anything you want. What do you do? (It's vague. You can do anything. Go with it).
4. You're walking across a field and you come to the edge of a deep, dark forest. What do you do?
5. How do you like your coffee?

Here's how it went for me:

"So, favorite animal," he said.

"Well, interestingly enough, what with that sheep poop incident and all, I'm still going to have to go with sheep," I said. To my dismay, I found out that this question is supposed to symbolize how you see yourself and/or how you think other people see you. Great. So I see myself as a big, dumb, conformist. I mean, is there any animal less sexy than a sheep? I might as well have said lemming, or dodo bird, or hippopotamus.

Your second favorite animal is supposed to represent what you seek in a mate. Here was my answer: "Dogs. Because they're loyal and they love you and they lick your face." Heh. Indeed.

The third question was a little more of a thinker. "Wait, what do you mean I can do anything I want? It's a desert island, right? I mean, how many choices do I have?" I thought through my potential options, and said, "Well, I guess I would build a swing. Yes, I would swing."

"Hmm," he said. "That's interesting."

Do I even have to tell you that this question is supposed to represent how you feel about relationships? And that I actually said, I would swing? Either this test is tapping into some unconscious desires that I didn't know I had, or I utterly and completely failed this stupid test.

The forest question is supposed to symbolize how you feel about death. I said, "I would turn around and walk away." I mean, wouldn't anybody?

In response to "How do you like your coffee?" I replied, "With cream." Apparently this is supposed to represent how you feel about sex. To which I say, huh? I mean, if I had known maybe I would have replied more specifically, with whipped cream. (Just kidding). ((I think)). Although the more accurate answer these days is more like, "Uh, it's been so long I can't remember." Seriously.

Although as to this question's ability to accurately tap into one's true subconscious desires, he offered this story as proof: Apparently he asked his friend this same question, and the friend replied, "Only at night. And black." And, he swears to me that not two nights ago, said friend hooked up with another friend of his. And she's black. So, there you go. It's magic. Try it on all your friends. Then come back and let me know if anyone has dumber answers than mine, because I'm feeling a little self-conscious over here.


  1. I keep looking for a loophole, or some kind of explanation for why he's trying so hard. As far as I know I'm not the heiress to a large fortune, so it can't be that. But what? What is it?

    Well, maybe he sees what we all see: that you are brilliant, gorgeous, and fun. Maybe people are just generally happy to be with you. Give him some credit for having the good taste to be attracted to you. (Personally, I used to woo heiresses, but that's just my shallow side.)

    Hopefully yours,


  2. Where have you disappeared to.....I have had a miserable day and was hoping to share a laugh with you....

  3. So sweet! I have been in grad school hell. Hopefully I'll be able to dig myself out in the next week or so. Hope you were still able to have a laugh, in any case. Cheers!