Friday, November 9, 2007

Why I never made it as an actress

So, if you ever don't have anything to do on a Friday night, and if you happen to have a dvd recording lying around of, I don't know, yourself, performing an activity about which you were maybe already a tad bit self-conscious, then by all means, I highly recommend you watch it. Preferably with a beverage in hand. I did, and here were some of my initial thoughts:

Oh my god, is that really what I look like? Is that really what I SOUND like?

I always kind of suspected that my shoulder blades stick out further than my boobs, but now I have proof.

I can't believe how many people are going to watch me doing this.

Will it ever end? My god, it's been almost an hour...

And then the absolute worst, the one thing you never want to think in that situation, or ever, actually:

Oh my god, I look like my mother.

As I was watching it, parts of it came back to me, and I remembered, oh yeah, this is the part where I become acutely aware of the camera...and now this is the part where I realize my sweater is coated in chalk dust and I start frantically brushing myself off...

Because I was teaching, I mean. Why, what did you think?

I've been dreading this project all semester, and it's finally almost over. Now I just have to choose a short clip to show to a group of my peers in our teaching methods class on Tuesday. But what will I show? Me writing on the board? The students mumbling half-hearted responses? But it's all so very scintillating!

I'm assuming there will be wine at our meeting. Hopefully lots of it. I'll drink to another 27 years of never seeing myself on the wrong end of a video camera again.



  1. First, THANK you for your lovely comment at my site-- that was very wonderful feedback!

    Second, in ref to the boy who never called again after a decidedly romantic connection-- please see Good Will Hunting. I think that is one of the best film examples ever of how an insecure person runs from a relationship-- "she's perfect now" if I call her and we really get to know each other, she won't be perfect and neither will I, she'll see I'm just a fake, a poser and not this great guy she thinks I am.

    You two CLEARLY connected-- my guess is he is deeply insecure . .. don't take this personally. Know how fabulous you are. Know how fabulous you are.

    bisous, bluepoppy

  2. Yeah, we weren't sure exactly what kind of video was being shot for a minute there. Of course had our most salacious thoughts been realized, you might have been less embarrassed by it than the actual video, one imagines. Seeing oneself on camera in mock-candid moments is always a chastening experience. And surely you will be scintillating when it actually counts.

    As far as the shoulders being bigger than your ... well, anyway, not important. Trust me, it's irrelevant. Have I ever steered you wrong?! :)

    Happy days!

  3. your boobs are bigger. end of debate. you also need to get dustless chalk!