Sunday, November 18, 2007

Why charity is not all it's cracked up to be


This is what happens when you have nothing to blog about and every single animal protection league, society, and association in the continental U.S. won't stop sending cloyingly adorable and guilt-inducing gifts.

Please, PETA, ASPCA, and animal rescue leagues of the world; this has to stop. The notecards, the return address labels, the wrapping paper, the desk calendar, the dog tags, the calculator, the umbrella; they are all so lovely and thoughtful and squishily adorable, but the problem is, I don't have a dog to put tags on, I don't write that many letters, and honestly, I'm not totally convinced that that umbrella is even waterproof. You see, several years ago I had a full-time job and a salary and made a couple modest donations to what I assumed was a local animal rescue league, but in fact turns out to be located in New York state. (Duped!) However, I am now what we call an indentured servant a grad student, and thus barely have enough money to both feed myself and support my lip gloss habit (and whether or not my mint lip gloss contains enough calories to count as lunch is not a decision I want to have to make). Plus, I can't get past the thought that any donation I might make, rather than going towards food, or vaccinations, or life-saving surgeries, is instead paying for more tacky greeting cards that no one wants and that will probably just get thrown away (or, ahem, defaced).

Anyway, Animal People Whose Mailing Lists I Am On, I would just like you to know that I can't be guilted anymore. As I don't have any money at the moment (or most likely throughout the forseeable future), I am unable to contribute to your very worthy cause. But please, for the love of kittens, please stop sending me your crap. Because the days are long, the blogging is slow, and I still have piles of cards crying out for a felt-tipped pen and an irreverant hand. Please, APWMLIAO, don't make me do it.

Sincerely,

An Animal Lover Despite It All (really)

1 comment:

  1. Funny. :)

    But at least the group you gave to runs a no-kill shelter. That's pretty important because all those sweethearts should not be disposable.

    Charitably,

    M

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